The good, the bad, the ugly

I'm sorry I haven't felt like posting. Things have been changing, and I didn't know what to say or if anyone would read it.

So I survived the move. I had to leave my job. I cried because the dogs knew. They were so affectionate and clingy during my last group. One dog kept grabbing me and licking my ears. One dog I love so much wasn't there, so I visited when I was in town for therapy. I gave the dog so many kisses. They didn't act like that was so weird. I did give notice. It's just such a drive.

I survived the move. We're still working on it. My stuff (like 3 boxes) is unpacked. I knew I needed my stuffed Pusheen and the bedding to sleep. It's been almost a week, and I have set the boundary that I will help unpack the other stuff if they tell me what to do.

I am drinking.. I may have paid to get a Lyft to a liquor store. However, today I messaged my ex sponsor.. which is really awkward because probably about 2 years ago she told me she had to give me to god. It was as I was moving home, and it pretty much made me feel toxic. Today, I was sad.. very sad, so I texted her to see if the women's meeting I used to go to is still happening tomorrow.

She said she was happy to hear from me. She goes to another group now but said she would meet me there tomorrow morning. She said she looks forward to seeing me. I have no idea what to say to her tomorrow. There is so much good and bad. I think I will cry because I haven't been back to see anyone from AA in this town for.. I guess years. I didn't realize until after the text that it's been that long. I don't know.. I am crying typing this. I am hoping to maybe make friends nearby. I am also unsure about making my parents drive me there. I just wonder if I still have friends there. I have only had my parents and co-workers for so long. It is hard to think of having friends. That and knowing I can't get alcohol as easily and need to stop... So I am watching Netflix in bed. I do have a TV in my room now, so that's another positive. I will try to update more tomorrow

Also, I have been really honest with my therapist. The goal has honestly been to stay out of the hospital and stay alive. I set little goals like update my resume, pack/unpack, and basically a couple things I can manage. I focus on the positive things and don't really process the rest. I don't know how this will work long term, but it's working