Goodbye for now. Wish me luck

It's official. I am going to The Ranch at Dove Tree tomorrow night. I don't remember if I updated why I couldn't go today. Friday my insurance was active again, so I called to arrange to go in today. Well, I got a call from someone about insurance and cost. He basically said insurance isn't likely to cover the whole stay, so it would probably cost me at least $3,000. Obviously, that's not an option with me not having a job. He said he would look into options and call back. Friday I did not get a call.

Today, I got a call from the other woman I have been dealing with. I mentioned this issue and she transferred me to talk to the other guy. He basically said I have to pay something, but I can fill out a financial hardship form and they will write off the rest of the cost. So I agreed to pay $500, which is better than $3000. I honestly expect insurance will cover more than he predicts given the liver damage, the many failed attempts at treatment, the recent admission for dehydration, and that I have now been mixing alcohol and benzos (librium) since I have had to drink less).

Anyway, my dad suggested driving there tomorrow night and staying in a hotel and admitting Wednesday. I honestly don't know if my parents are unaware that I have been hiding vodka and drinking while staying with them. I have been using AA meetings or going to my apartment as the opportunity to go to the liquor store. Then I transfer the vodka to water bottles and leave the actual bottle in my car. I hide the water bottles between the bed and wall or behind things on bookshelves. Either they haven't noticed or just aren't saying anything. However in a hotel, I don't know if I could smuggle in alcohol, so I would rather go to detox tomorrow and not have to find out. It has made me very anxious hiding this, and I am ready to be done obsessing over when I can buy vodka, when I can go to my car to fill the bottles, and hiding the smell of alcohol on my breath.

The last lie I am concerned with is that I am admitting for detox before going into the residential program. I think they may be at separate locations. If my parents are assuming that I haven't been drinking, then there would be no reason to need detox. I am planning if they ask to just say that if you come after business hours, that is where you go.. because the residential part would probably not have the staff to do admissions at night. That or claim that everyone has to be medically cleared before going to residential. Those seem like reasonable lies, right?

So wish me luck. I have been going to AA both because there is a liquor store next door but also to maintain the hope that people do recover. People do get sober, and their lives aren't miserable. I started having second thoughts during all the phone calls to arrange Cobra, unemployment, and admission. I am glad this worked out because I don't think I could do all of the assessment again for another facility.

So take care of yourselves. I will be thinking of everyone. I won't have internet for at least a month, so I won't be able to update until I get out.