So I wanted to say that I am still alive. Not much new to report.
I keep butting heads with my mom. One minute we are happy and eat together and go shopping. Then this morning before she even got up, I asked my dad when to tell rehab I could go. I called and talked to the woman there about that and what proof of insurance I need. I called to see if I can expedite the cobra stuff because I got the forms. They said I could overnight them or go to the office. Both are terrifying options because they involve either 1. Driving to an unknown building and talking to strangers or 2. I honestly have never sent something overnight.. I honestly think I have only ever once mailed a package or done anything at the post office other than drop things in the mailbox. So I waited until my mom was eating breakfast and told her and asked what I should do. She told me to email my dad. He said either one. I told her and she basically said very rudely if I preferred one then why not just do that. I said I preferred the post office.
She told me which post office has less rude employees, but I couldn't figure out if I was meant to go alone or if she was going with me. Finally I asked if she wanted to go to the used book store and she agreed. So then I knew we would go to the post office as well. I managed to figure that out. I bought some books to take to rehab. She offered to buy me Neil Gaiman's new book on Norse mythology and (since the packet they sent me says all books must be approved by the therapist) jokingly said if they have any issues with it to tell them to call her. So suddenly we're OK again?
On an aside, I am looking forward to that book. Neverwhere and American Gods (and Anansi Boys) are some of my favorite books. My parents keep mentioning a campaign to raise money for a refugee charity and if they raise enough Neil Gaiman will read the entire Cheesecake Factory menu, which would be hilarious. I also got a book of short stories by Terry Pratchett. Every time I go into hospital without time to buy books, I just grab a couple Discworld novels because they never get old. Sorry rambling.
Anyway, I may be going to rehab as soon as Friday. It all depends on insurance still. I have bought clothes and books. I am going back to my apartment tomorrow to get my Bible and see if I have forgotten anything. My mom did read the packet I forwarded her, which is a positive sign? I bought some toiletries, but there's always this rule about alcohol in the ingredients, so I am probably going on a quest tomorrow for conditioner where alcohol isn't the 2nd ingredient. This is much harder than it sounds.
I am still drinking. I spent the weekend at my apartment. I did do a decent amount of cleaning, but I also drank. I brought home a water bottle of vodka. I drank that tonight, which was really stupid. **TMI I have had terrible diarrhea all afternoon and evening. I don't know if it was what I ate.. I had a tofu wrap at lunch and sometimes tofu doesn't agree with me. Or if this is just my fucked up digestive system. So the last thing I need is to be dehydrated again.
I just don't know how to wean myself off the alcohol and librium safely and even the woman at rehab reminded me of the dangers. I would rather they sort out detox there than try to do it myself. I promise I will update before I go in.
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