Food- the good and bad (TW)

So life is pretty much the same. It revolves around work, sleep, and food.. I am avoiding most social situations outside of work. I am still staying up until 3-4am no matter what time I get home, and I am therefore sleeping until noon at least. Work is drama filled lately.. my boss is being an ass. Yesterday he was an ass to someone who works in the lab (who did NOT deserve it) after generally being an ass all day. I had just been working on not engaging whenever he started on some rant (this was all via instant messenger from across the room to me) or complained about someone or got all doom and gloom (he actually said we were "headed into the dark" at some point) because I didn't want to piss him off but was refusing to get sucked in. Well, he went off on her, and then she called our boss (like the one who sits behind me who is head of toxicology) about it. Then she called him.. and I don't know how that went. I heard him on the phone almost in tears about how he doesn't want to seem evil.. and I went downstairs for coffee. He later came and said stuff to us about how he gets stressed and that creates a bad environment and we need to tell him when he's doing that.. like that's going to go well. I did tell him after that that he needs to not criticize people out loud while he's working on things.. whether they're in the room or not. Complaining and criticizing them like that is not ok. And he took that ok.. but I doubt it would have worked earlier in the evening. 


As far as food.. there is good and bad. 

The bad is I'm binging and purging almost everyday now... not quite that much, but it's been a lot. 
My therapist also says I'm restricting, but I argue I am eating plenty of calories.. but I also didn't really mention the frequency of binging and purging and I assume I'm getting some calories there 

The good (?) I am still not eating meat.. it's going ok. I mean I haven't had meat in a few weeks. I have knowingly (and probably unknowingly) had some foods that weren't vegetarian.. like I have these fiber gummies that contain gelatin I bought a week or two before I decided to stop eating meat. When I ran out of the other fiber supplement I had (which was vegetarian but I hadn't liked so wasn't taking), I decided to go ahead and take the other since I already owned it.. the damage is done when it's bought, right? Wasting it doesn't help animals. Then there's this whole cheese issue.. vegetarians can eat cheese, but some cheese is not vegetarian because of how it's made. I read this at some point and have been maybe a little obsessed with this fact. Most cheese doesn't say which it is.. and some I know isn't vegetarian and have eaten anyway (damn pita chips). I bought a bunch of vegetarian friendly cheese for binging while at Whole Foods and then found another brand I can buy for a reasonable price (compared to the Whole Foods brand) at the regular grocery store.  And then yeah.. unknown, but I am not eating meat or anything with meat in it.. and generally avoiding certain animal ingredients. Still eating dairy and eggs although I tried to explain the cheese thing to my therapist and she said "So you want to be vegan?" and I am like no that's not what I'm saying. And re-explained that dairy is fine, but it's the other ingredient that's the problem I'm avoiding and it's only certain brands. And she's like "But you want to be vegan?" and I'm like NO I WANT TO EAT FUCKING CHEESE ALL THE TIME but am just concerned about the source. Yeah.. whatever






The good.. I am debating the idea of food challenges for myself inspired by those being tackled by another dear blogger. This was going to be self chosen at first because my challenges are probably strange.. I mean I eat all sorts of food.. chips, candy, cookies.. that stuff. The challenge was originally going to be fruit. I haven't figured out how to manage this. I was all set to buy sliced apples at Target on Friday, but they all looked brown/not fresh. I could have bought an actual apple but wouldn't have a way to slice it at work, and eating it whole was not something I was willing to try. So I postponed that. I failed at buying apples again tonight. 



BUT I did succeed in something else. I cooked. And it wasn't just frozen food.. and it vaguely followed an actual recipe. I have been wanting buffalo wings, and I couldn't have chicken.. and while I bought some vegetarian/fake ones for binge purposes.. I decided that surely I could make some sort of buffalo thing with chickpeas. So I bought them and the hot sauce and salad to go with it.. with the goal of some sort of buffalo chickpea salad. I then got home and found a recipe for buffalo-roasted chickpeas. And I made them. I used a can opener and a mixing bowl (not a paper disposable bowl) and measuring spoons (although I didn't exactly follow the measurements in the recipe for the spices). The salad will be tomorrow, but I made the chickpea part tonight and they are pretty tasty.. Weird and definitely not chicken, but I was craving hot sauce and this will do. 

So cooking was that challenge.. next I will eventually try to manage fresh fruit. But I could manage only one challenging task tonight and hot sauce craving won out. 

If anyone is interested, this is the recipe I used 
http://www.cleaneatingveggiegirl.com/2014/11/09/roasted-buffalo-chickpeas-buffalo-chickpea-salad/