Work continues: Ask for help or crash and burn?

So things at work have remained dramatic and insane in various ways...
My supervisor is in trouble for being a jerk to people.. and complaining about working late (when he works no later than anyone else and leaves before me every night)... I don't know. I am less bothered by this than others. He is trying to be nicer now and more attentive, and honestly it's bothering me more.. but he's finally starting to give a shit about how much I'm working..

For me.. I don't know. It's gotten into an insanity where I am never leaving work before 1am, so at least 10 hour shifts 5 days a week. A few days I left by midnight and then several days I left after 2am, so it evens out to more than 50 hours a week still. I'm drinking 2-3 cups of coffee, an energy drink, and a soda at work.. plus 2-3 Lipo 6. I get borderline insane after midnight when everyone goes home.. I start forgetting what I was doing when I go downstairs because I'm only really half awake. I stare at the clipboard of reruns trying to decide how much to do before going home. I stare at the piles of work on my desk. I stare at things on my screen because I have nobody to ask things. I have the entire room all to myself. I get a little paranoid down in the lab too because the lab supervisor is constantly telling me I work too much, so I'm hoping I don't run into her. I hope that nobody has the clipboards I need or is at the machines I need. I hope I can just get back upstairs without talking to anyone.. at the same times I kinda hoped the lab supervisor would say something to someone other than my supervisor about how much I'm working since clearly he hasn't done anything about it. But anyway.. yeah.. insanity.

And I can't keep doing it. I know that. I'm burning out. I can tell because there's days I didn't want to eat.. and I always eat at work. Well.. one day I felt nauseous all day. A coworker offered to buy pizza and I actually said out loud "I think pizza would make me cry"... which thankfully nobody acknowledged because I am well aware that's not a normal statement if you don't have an eating disorder. We ordered chinese food. I got some tofu thing, and a coworker kept giving me grief for how little I was eating and not eating the rice and everything.. it was frustrating as hell. I wanted to smack her because I was really trying and I felt ill. I even ate some rice later because I kept getting dizzy. I did stop binging and purging for a few days because of that though.. I had no appetite.  That was a little nice. That weird dizziness thing that's been going on wasn't.. I think it's dehydration.

I am just not handling things well.. the depression is getting worse. I have cut a few times. I've had OCD behaviors popping up.. banging my wrists on things.. tapping my fingers.. others that are hard to explain when I'm not doing them. Definitely feel like I'm going nuts. Also binging and purging.. I even purged at work because we ordered pizza Wednesday.

Well anyway, i guess they're finally going to deal with it. The other day I had this awkward conversation with my supervisor.. mainly about people complaining about him. But he said something about me working too much. He said the solution was to stop working so much and let the work build up so they'd have to come up with a solution. I said I was not ok with that. I said the last time we got so behind I worked until 3 AM for days to catch up. So I said there has to be another way

So I guess we're going to talk with the daytime supervisor Tuesday... he may have spoken to her some. I commented that I didn't think she was aware of how late I was staying.. well nobody was. Honestly.. I am scared of all this. I am scared that really she think I should be able to get more work in during 8 hours rather than always working 10. Or I'm scared I will have someone helping me and hate it. Or I won't know what to do with myself if I leave at midnight.. and really the answer is probably going to be binge and purge these days. I would almost rather keep working this way until I absolutely can't. Except at the same time, I'm researching my insurance benefits for treatment since clearly the bulimia is out of control.. and honestly the depression is a bit bad too..
So I don't know what will happen. I kind of hope my supervisor will be his usual self and forget that he ever offered to help me. And I can keep working myself to death.