6 months

I still feel like things are crumbling. I think I determine how I am doing by how much of the day I am not anxious, obsessive, or longing to be in bed. These days that is so little of the day.

During the day, I have my mom complaining about my dad. I worry about her health. I worry that she is unhappy being married and that I am somehow either the cause of their problems or an obstacle to them splitting up. When they're both home, I am always on edge because of it. I just want space and quiet.

I am just exhausted all the time. I want to stop taking the Seroquel to see if that helps, but instead I just drink coffee to try to function. I am still considering job applications, but I am afraid to apply for anything that my parents would have to drive me to because I know they might say they are willing, but they will act like it's an inconvenience. I also just doubt I can handle more right now.

I just have 3 more days until my parents leave for a couple days. I know the next few days will be stressful because they always get stressed before trips. Like my dad was searching the house for the key to a lock box tonight at 11pm.. like it couldn't wait until a reasonable time. I was anxious because he went in my room. Both my parents went in my closet earlier in the week to find a suitcase, but I don't think they saw the vodka. I know they have the right to be in the room since it's their house, but I hate the lack of privacy. When they leave, I think I may either drink or try to take extra meds to sleep. I am just so tired. I am 6 months sober, but drinking sounds wonderful to me. I just want a break from consciousness and feeling. I guess I will see what happens once I am alone. I am definitely looking forward to whatever I decide to do because I can be alone.