Do you ever just feel like you're headed for a breakdown? I don't really know. I am exhausted and feeling very over medicated, and I am relying on coffee to function. My case worker is trying to get me in to see a different psychiatrist because mine doesn't seem concerned with the number of meds I'm on and seems oblivious to the fact that I have an eating disorder. I want to stop taking my Seroquel, but I am trying not to change my own meds because it always ends badly.
I am really struggling with people. My parents keep arguing, and I hate it. I am too scared to talk sometimes because it might make it worse. Like I needed a few things at the grocery store last weekend, but they had already argued that morning and I just wanted shopping to be over with. But guess what.. they're going to be out of town for a few days soon. I am so excited. I honestly just want to stay in bed and rest and not have to be anxious all the time and putting on an act. I also want to drink, but I don't know if I will. I am just really unsure about sobriety. I feel like I am going to relapse eventually because I am not really motivated. Drinking or not, I just want to be alone. I just want to stop pretending that I am fine. I am not fine.
I have some time before this happens, so we'll see. For now, I am going to keep up the act.
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