Feeling selfish

I fully understand that I have no right to be upset about this or anything really. I just also am exhausted and not sleeping well and my mental health is questionable at best. But anyway...

My parents are basically buying my brother a car. A used car.. and I guess he is going to pay them back eventually. His car is an old one that they actually gave him when my dad bought a newer one. It's falling apart and they decided rather than pay for the repairs to buy a cheap used car to replace it, so he has a reliable car to get to work.

I am frustrated because it just brings up all the thoughts and feelings of hopelessness. I have been working for 7 months and I don't have enough to buy a car. I would never ask my parents to help given I wrecked the last car. I also owe my parents thousands for rent and bills they helped with when I was unemployed. I just know I can't live on what I make right now, and I can't really look for a better job until I have a car because I don't want my parents to have to drive me further. I also don't know if I can handle another job. I get so anxious thinking about the possibility of having tons wake up early because I struggle to get up by 10 these days.

Then I have the anxiety that my parents are looking at houses because they are planning to buy a house this year. I can't bring myself to ask if I can still stay with them if I haven't sorted out a better job or figured out how to support myself by then. I don't know how to voice any of this fear to them because I don't think they will understand. I also have so much guilt about how I ended up in this situation. I don't know how to explain how lost I feel.

So I am scared and a little angry. I just want a break from people, so I can stop pretending that I am fine. I don't want to hear about my brother's car. I don't want to look at pictures of the houses my parents might buy that I don't know if I can live in.. that I don't really want to live in. I want out. I am not ready to be on my own, but this isn't a healthy place for me. I feel like if I can't get all my shit together, why try? For now I am just trying to shut out the thoughts.