I managed to be sober enough to make it to church on Easter. I was exhausted because I'm terrible about going to be on time. Honestly, part of me didn't want to go, but I knew I would hate myself if it didn't. It was an awesome service. It was more than 2 hours long, so by the end I was exhausted.

Normally, on easter people bring food, the priest blesses it, and they have a sort of potluck sort of shared meal. It mostly ends up a bunch of people eating in one room. I went in for a minute because I was helping my friend carry stuff. If she's carrying her son, I try to help carrying diaper bag and such. I talked very briefly and asked if she wanted to do dinner this week. She said yes and told me to check with her husband about when (I'm friends with both of them but because I've known her a lot longer it's simpler to say my friend and her husband). I walked outside and ran into him. We picked a day for dinner and I said goodbye. He asked if I was staying for food because they brought extra, but I said no. I didn't really explain, but I hate crowds. I hate strangers. I had crowds and strangers even more with food involved. Honestly (and I did say this to my friend) I spent 10 hours of church in 3 days. As much as I loved the service, I was done with church and being social.

As much as the dinner Friday was stressful, with the whole sitting by the priest and hand tremor issue (last entry), I was actually very proud of myself for staying. Generally, if my friends aren't there, I leave immediately after the service. I may say Hi to some people I know in the church, but I don't go over to the hall after. Friday though, I stayed, and I spoke to strangers. I didn't eat, but I managed to sit at a table and speak to strangers. It helped that in addition to the priest, I knew a couple other people. There's a couple at church who are the godparents for my friend's son, and I've been to lunch with all of them and talked to them as well. They're wonderful people. It was loud, and I couldn't really talk to them, but it was safe with them there.

As much as I like my priest, it is a bit awkward. I talked to him a lot when I was doing catechism lessons before joining the church. It wasn't formal classes because it's such a small church. He would come to my friend's house and talk about stuff and sometime stay for dinner. Well, since then he's visited my twice in treatment. Over the summer, he visited me in the psych ward during detox. It is always awkward having someone visit you on a psych ward.. because things are strange. There are weird patients. There are weird staff. At that time, there was a patient that kept stealing my stuff. Then this winter, he visited me in rehab. It was a bit less weird. He came a few times to give me communion, and he actually brought me a christmas gift. It was a really nice icon of Christ. Still, it's weird sitting at a table with someone who has seen me in a hospital. I try to be cheerful when people visit, but I think it's usually obvious I'm anxious or depressed or embarrassed. I'm rambling.. but I am glad I managed to go for Easter this year.