Posting mostly because I'm avoiding schoolwork. I have 2 weeks worth of online lectures from my statistics course. I am determined to get through at least one week today (will probably be 1hour-1.5hours of video) since I have homework due wednesday.

I am surviving. Things have been a bit crazy. I have friends from different sources (that's probably a strange way to word that). I have friends from high school and college (actually several were in both high school and college with me). I have a couple friends from eating disorder support groups. There's really only 2 of them I have kept in touch with, and one of the 2 is in treatment in another state and kept saying she'd text me and hasn't. Then I have a few friends from grad school. I really only have 2-3 good friends and a lot of acquaintances.

Well, my 2 friends from grad school have their share of problems. One if bipolar. She was only diagnosed maybe 2 years ago. I was actually part of what pushed her to see a doctor about it because at the time she wasn't always aware of when she was manic. She still isn't great at it, but she isn't doing crazy things when she's manic so I haven't brought it up. She used to have a major spending problem (especially given how little we get paid). One time we went to the mall because she had been kind of depressed. I went to the restroom and when I came out she had just bought more than $100 worth of tea, and she absolutely did not see that as illogical.

Anyway, that friend is now pregnant. Definitely not something planned, and she's been seeing the guy for less than 2 months. Her parents seem ok with it (they want a grandkid), but the father is not. I think he's pressuring her to get an abortion, which she doesn't want to do. Especially since she's not convinced the father isn't going to break up with her anyway. She's also not taking meds now because she's pregnant, and I can already tell this is going to be a problem. She has definitely been having manic moments and depressed moments, and I am not at all well enough to be trying to help her. I'm trying very hard to stay out of it.

My other friend from school has been living with the deadbeat boyfriend. He doesn't have a job or car (not sure he even has a license) because he's had warrants out for him in multiple cities. He was in jail once to get rid of one warrant. He got a job a couple weeks ago, and he ended up being arrested for other warrants and her car got impounded. On top of this, he is addicted to meth. He'll disappear for days at a time and do drugs. Then he'll reappear. She's been convinced he's depressed and that's why he uses, so she's researching low cost treatment options. Well, a few days ago he just left. While she was at work, he took his stuff and left a not saying he was moving to Colorado.. so she's upset about that.

Meanwhile, I'm just trying to stay out of all of it because I have enough going on with my own problems. I'm still having tremors in my hands, which could be a sign of alcohol withdrawal. I've looked it up and it's possible to show withdrawal signs less than 12 hours after your last drink if things are bad enough. I'm definitely drinking more than the amount they said was likely to result in withdrawals. It concerns me but not enough to quit drinking. Saturday we went out for my friend's (the pregnant one) birthday. We went out at 8:30, which is later than I would usually start drinking.. so of course I had 4 shots of vodka before we went. Then came home after and had probably 8 more shots. I'm having trouble keeping count these days. I've started making tally marks on my hand so I know how much I've had. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow so I can ask him about the hand thing. Not sure otherwise what he can do.

I go to AA usually once a week, and the women seem to be getting concerned. 3 have given me their phone numbers and told me to call any time. They've been asking me after meetings what's going on. For a while, I had been avoiding talking because I was ashamed to admit I had relapsed and how long I had been drinking again. A couple weeks ago I finally admitted it. They've been supportive, but I hate having people worry about me.

That's all I have for now.. sorry it was so long. I ramble sometimes.