So tired

This won't be long because I'm typing on my phone while in bed because heaven forbid I just go to sleep... Which is pretty on topic.
I'm doing quite poorly I guess. I told everyone in a meeting Saturday how I was doing better at work at accepting my coworkers and handling situations and mistakes. I'm trying to take responsibility for myself and my own work. Almost immediately after I spoke I realized that maybe I'm not accepting things. Maybe it's all coming out through the eating disorder.

My anxiety level at work is still quite high and I now blame myself for things not getting done. I've been working until 11pm or at least once after midnight, and then every night for over a week rather than going home I have been going to the grocery store for binge food. Then I come home and binge and purge until around 1am and probably not go to bed until after 2.

I'm wasting a ton of money on food.. I guess probably $15-20 a day, which is bad. I'm sleeping until almost noon which means I am getting no writing done for school which now has me really scared about that. I haven't called or texted my sponsor recently or anyone, and nobody knows about this. Oh and I gained like 5lbs which also has me wanting to do crazy shit.

And I'm tired. My boss gave me some work at around 10pm and around 10:30 another analyst was leaving and said she felt bad I was stuck there. My boss said I always stay to do things and some comment (i was ignoring him) that seemed to be about me not sleeping. She left and I just said "I'm tired" to him because I am fucking sick of him leaving me there working and going home. He tried to do it, but I finished before he left. Sunday he left at 6:45 and left me with a trainee. I didn't get to leave until almost 9 because I had to help train the new guy and couldn't leave him there when I was done with my work.

So yeah... Tired.