So I don't remember what I said about how earlier this week I admitted via text that I was struggling. I did, so I knew that I needed to explain tonight.
But OK let me explain exactly as awkward it went. I got there and when they got home kept waiting for them to ask. I just don't know how to do that without being asked. We made small talk. We talked about restaurants and I brought up how my car air conditioning has been acting weird (like only blowing warm air when stopped). I really wasn't feeling well. I spent the morning in bed and hadn't eaten very much. We finally pick a place for dinner.
We got there and were the only customers in the restaurant. That means you always get watched by the staff, which makes both me and my mom anxious. I order and because I am trying to be vegetarian again, I ordered something with tofu. I am the unlucky vegetarian who has texture issues with tofu. Soft tofu makes me nauseous. I can eat it if it's fried and firm. This unfortunately ended up being really gross to me. While I am trying to eat it to look normal in front of my parents and not say I didn't like it in front of the employees who were all looking. I finally give up and try to pick out vegetables and noodles and indirectly say the tofu wasn't good. I do this while awkwardly talking about how I am doing. I admitted to not leaving the apartment and not eating anything but granola bars and popsicles. I talked about my therapist wanting to talk to them. I didn't actually say it's because she feels ethically obligated to tell them I am drinking myself to death. I mentioned treatment and we briefly talked about what happened with rehab and how none of us really was told anything at all. I am glad they did seem to agree about how they were wrong to just drop off my suitcase and not explain.
My mom did say some understanding things, which were basically that I have to set a time to get out of bed and get dressed everyday. That she knows it is easy to want to sleep all day otherwise. I also asked them to take me grocery shopping because I am really struggling with being in public. Well, I asked before the food really made me feel sick, but I went because I really have been struggling with it.
We get there, and I have no idea what to buy. It has been so long since I ate normally. She kept asking me things and saying I need protein and she doesn't want me eating the same thing every meal. Repetition is comfortable to me, although I know I should be eating better. I finally ended up with powerade, cereal, granola bars, mini bagels (which are admittedly an eating disorder food that I lived on in college), and some frozen meals. Now we will just see if I can actually eat these or the food will just remain unopened. I do wonder if my unbalanced diet has been causing my weakness and exhaustion.
The main highlight of the evening is that my car seems to be fine now? I have no idea how or what was wrong. I just know that it has been hot as hell here lately, so I really didn't want to end up with no AC. Just hoping it stays that way because I probably can't afford repairs
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