Not a good day

Well, technically I'm including last night as part of this bad day. I went out to dinner with a couple friends last night to celebrate the end of the semester. We went to this Mexican restaurant. It's a big chain restaurant, but the parking lot is way too small for the number of people eating there. Some people park on the grass/dirt next to the lot. After circling the lot several times. I decided to do this. I kind of realized it was a bad decision when I did it. Mostly there were trucks and SUVs over there, but a few normal cars so I thought it would be ok. My car did not like driving through the mud.

So I go to leave, and I manage to back out, but when I go to drive back onto the pavement I don't notice how big of a bump/ledge there is. I go over it and can tell my bumper hit it because my car is fairly low to the ground. It starts making weird scraping noises driving home. I stop twice on the drive home to look at the front of the car but don't see anything obviously wrong (nothing hanging down, no fluid gushing out). I get home and look at it a bit and decide I'd deal with it later. I emailed my Dad about it (I'm 27 and my poor dad still has to help me with my car). He says it doesn't sound like a big deal.

I go to leave to get lunch before my usual AA meeting, and I look again. Not sure if anyone reads my posts, but I'll include this in case someone does. A piece of metal behind the bumper got bent and is rubbing against the tire

 So I decide I should drive anywhere :-(
I'm a bit disappointed about missing AA, but I am very disappointed because I can't go to the liquor store (which is an odd combination of worries). I even debate calling a friend and asking if she'd drive me there, but I decided that was probably crossing some sort of boundary since my friends all know I have a drinking problem.

Well, I come to terms with that. In the state I live in, you can only buy liquor from 10am-9pm and only Monday-Saturday.. so if I don't get this fixed tonight (my dad thinks he can bend it back) I can't go tomorrow, and I have enough vodka for tonight but not for tomorrow. I finally calm myself down because worst case scenario (I realize this is all kind of f***ed up) I can walk to the drugstore and buy a couple bottles of wine (wine and beer you can get on sundays)

Then the final panic. I realize that if my dad does work on the car, he might want to come into my apartment to wash his hands This I start crying about because my apartment is a horrible mess. Mostly just empty food packages, empty vodka bottles, empty soda boxes. Stuff is everywhere. It all started because I don't clean when I'm drunk, and at some point it just got bad enough I couldn't convince myself to start cleaning. When I ran out of room, I'd gather up a bag of trash, but I never cleared everything. Because of this, nobody has been in my apartment since last summer. Other than occasionally one of my friends would step inside when she came to pick me up, but never more than a step into the apartment. I'm too embarrassed. So I sat there and cried while trying to eat lunch (a frozen meal because I also don't cook). I have managed to gather 3 bags of trash, and that's only the living room and dining area. I still have kitchen and bathroom and bedroom. I decided I could clean either the kitchen or bathroom and just direct him to the clean one to wash his hands. I decided kitchen was better because he wouldn't be able to see into my bedroom. It's all very ridiculous. I decided that the best option was probably to bring some wet paper towels downstairs with me so we could clean our hands without going up to my apartment.