Change

So things are changing at work, and I am not sure how I feel about it. Basically, the day shift supervisor is leaving the company. My supervisor is now taking her place, and someone is being promoted to replace him.

The good is that I won't have him snapping at me or me having to take charge because he's distracted. The woman replacing him is someone I know from school and is thankfully the only other person on night shift who knows my problems. I have trusted her enough to tell her about the depression. She is the only one besides my supervisor who I discussed the accusation about me smelling like alcohol with. She was supportive through all of that and me getting help. Mostly I talked to her because it took so long for my supervisor to handle the situation and let me go get help. She is aware of problems I had with him. So of all the people who could take over, this is probably best.

It is a little concerning that we have clashed at times. A while back an employee (who later quit) told my supervisor that this person had challenged my authority. Really it's just a personality thing. We both try to fix things as soon as possible and feel strongly about things being done correctly, so it seems like we argue. I have learned to pick my battles. If I go to her and clearly explain what should be done, she will listen and respect my opinion. Occasionally, she will ask me to do something and I will politely ask for it to be handled differently. Like she had asked me to talk to someone about an issue with the money they give us for meals. I suggested she send an email. I basically just stared her down until she acknowledged I wasn't going to do it. I mean..  I didn't care about the issue and saw no reason I should have to handle it. I do worry that if she is officially my supervisor, these disagreements may be more complicated. I think I really just need to explain that this is because I have severe social anxiety and not that I am antisocial. I think if I actually explain that, she will respect my boundaries. She is one of the only people who know that I am not shift lead because they don't want me to be more stressed.

I don't like change, so I am worried. I have been lying to my supervisor about how I am doing because he asks and then immediately says that I seem to be doing well. That makes it hard to argue. I am worried about having to go to someone different and explain if I do need help, but I also don't think that she is so influenced by her own anxiety. I hope that what she knows is enough to keep her from trying to add to my responsibility. She also is much more direct in handling problems, so maybe I will finally be able to trust my supervisor to handle the problems I find rather than me having to go to the person directly or rely on the manager to handle it.

I just don't like change. This could be so positive, but I worry. I worry no matter what. I am just generally a mess. I hope that this will be a positive change. I am really barely coping. I really need to take my meds. I am honestly drinking less but mostly because I am tired of throwing up. I just want to sleep and work and nothing else. I know I need help, but I don't believe I can get better. I don't know what to tell anyone about it. I just want to work, sleep, and drink. That's basically my life now.