F***ed up

So lately I have let anxiety get the best of me. I have put off making decisions and doing things that I knew I should. Several of these started with losing my debit card.. well they sent me a new one for some reason, and I lost it before even activating it.

So I sorted out my toll tag and some bills, and I had this nagging fear about my insurance that I avoided. I assumed that I would have an email if I had missed payments. I also knew my student loans were am issue but expected only a certain amount to be due.

Well, I finally looked into this. My auto insurance had lapsed because of payment. So had my renters insurance. My student loans.. I guess more had become due since I last checked? I was expecting a couple hundred at most, and it's close to 2,000.

So I frantically tried to fix things, which I suppose is more responsible than putting it off. I applied again for auto insurance and paid for the new policy. I tried to do renters insurance through the same company and got a message saying it didn't work.. rather than waiting and calling about it, I just went through another company. I honestly don't care about my renters insurance except that my complex requires it. I probably won't ever use it. So I got my car insurance. I got new renters through another company. Now I just need to deal with student loans. Of course, there's some sort of outage tonight, so I can't. I can afford to pay what is due, but I definitely need to deal with it. I guess more, older loans are due... and I need to see about consolidating what I can. I guess this can't be done until Monday. I will deal then. The insurance is more risky not to deal with because I could get a ticket or lease violation.

I feel so stupid for not dealing with this. I had emails mentioning the loans being past due, but I didn't deal with it. I didn't have anything about insurance, so I had assumed that those were linked to my account and not debit card. That's my fault. Thankfully, my car loan was through my checking account and not debit card.

So yeah... I am failing at life.
I guess it's good I dealt with it now before getting a ticket or getting evicted. The whole thing only reinforced how suicidal I was already feeling. This way I am living really isn't sustainable, but I don't know what to do about it