And another weekend

I kept thinking about updating this week, but I didn't have a lot to say. I'm now over a week sober. I don't like it. I miss drinking a lot at times and the rest I'm indifferent. My sponsor is thrilled, and she still has me on a pretty short leash. She's been calling me everyday, and I have been calling her some. I feel like I'm staying sober because I know how much time she's invested in this.

Monday, I had school pretty much all day. She had called in the morning to find out my plans for the week. Tuesday she had someone pick me up from school for the noon meeting. I drive to school but don't like leaving because it takes so long (like 20 minutes) to find a parking space when I get back. This way I had no excuse. Wednesday I had school then graded until the meeting at 8.

Thursday was therapy, which was not pleasant. I brought up how I have been obsessing over the job I had and lost this summer. I have been obsessing, probably because I had intended to start looking again. I am sure I wrote about that job at some point. Today I actually ran into the woman from school who was my boss there. That was awkward. She said hi and asked how I was doing. I said fine and quickly walked away. I am not upset with her that I was fired. I am upset that she treated me like shit the whole time. She made me cry yelling about boxes not being put away neatly enough even though I was left alone with an entire order of things I didn't know where to put.

I am once again sleeping on my sponsor's couch tonight. She called  saying she wanted to hang out again. We watched tv for a while. I am torn between thinking she actually wants to hang out or if she's babysitting me again. She knows I'm not real thrilled with sobriety. And I've been cutting again. I told her via text Wednesday. She asked how often and how many, which is more details than people normanly ask. So whatever her motives (which are probably some mix of those), I do understand that she cares.

I have not been sleeping well, so I am really hoping to get out of the morning meeting tomorrow, and I would like to sleep at home tomorrow (which I guess is today since it's after midnight). I'm exhausted and stressed. I miss vodka