Doing better?

So Wednesday was a rather bad day. I went to AA, went shopping, parked my car outside the liquor store and stared at it. This was just for a few minutes, and then I decided to go buy the drugstore to get a soda and maybe more sleeping pills (decided those were cheaper at the grocery store) and then went to work. My sponsor texted later and asked how I was doing. I mentioned the liquor store thing, and she basically said to pack my bags because I was going to the hospital Friday. I said I didn't want to go on a Friday (for somewhat valid reasons). She said we'd sleep on it.

Thursday I felt somewhat better. I had therapy, which I did not enjoy. I tried to explain about maybe going inpatient for the suicidal thoughts. She said those will never get better unless I work on the eating disorder. I mean.. yes the eating disorder is bad for the depression, but it's not going to get better if I kill myself. I said I needed meds that work, and she made some comment about how my meds don't work because I'm purging. I only purge at night, so many hours after taking the wellbutrin and before taking the night meds. I never purge again after that, so the meds should be in my system. Anyway.. it was all pointless. I think we kind of agreed to disagree on everything. I know that I need to stop purging, but right now that isn't my top concern.
Then later I talked to my sponsor and said I was feeling better and wanted to give the new medication a couple more days before thinking about hospital again. She said fine as long as I'm honest about things like sitting outside the liquor store. I was talking with her on the phone while binge shopping.. part of me was mildly concerned that I felt better because I was going to b/p after 2 days without.

Well today is where things get confusing. I got up and went to a meeting. Before going, I took my normal dose of levothyroxine plus a dose I missed a few days ago (I chose to keep the pills instead of taking it that night).. so double my dose. I then took a diet pill and 2 bronkaid/ephedrine.. and after the meeting another diet pill. In my head the whole time wondering if this would stress out my heart and not having any logical reason to do it. Then I went shopping. I bought cat food but then went to 2 other stores.. the first is this store that sells all cheap things (under $5) where I went to get drinks for work. I also stopped to look at shot glasses. I picked up several cute ones, but they were plastic and something seems wrong with plastic shot glasses. I then went to Ross to look at wallets.. and shot glasses. This time I was looking at glass ones, but I really wished I didn't have to buy 6.. 6 is a number you buy if you're using them. I just wanted one to hide away somewhere. So I didn't buy any..
Again later at Walmart, I looked at some cheap plastic ones and talked myself out of them. I wondered if they would have individual glass ones, so I checked several other places in the store (seasonal, the party supplies, and by the beer) just out of curiosity. No luck. I am not sure what would have happened if I found one.

But I am thinking that someone who is doing better and is not feeling suicidal would not have spent this much time looking at shot glasses today. So we will see what happens tomorrow when I actually have free time...