New toy and poor choices

So anyone who reads that title is probably going to think this is about something much dirtier than it is.. but this is not about anything adult themed... just more eating disorder madness. I like the title though, so it's probably staying.

So last year in February I purchased my FitBit Charge. It was shortly after I got my current job and had money to spare. In a fairly short period of time I bough the Charge (activity tracker) and a used/kinda broken Aria scale. It doesn't do the body fat percentage, which is why it was so cheap on Ebay.. I got it because it automatically syncs my weight to the app. The Charge I bought shortly after managing to lose my Up24 and not being able to cope with not having something counting calories burned anymore. That time I opted for the Fitbit because it would use the same app as the scale, and it was great. Well.. by great I mean kinda terrible in a way because I was weighing myself more and pacing the apartment like a madwoman to get to my step goal.. but great.

Well, this year the Fitbit (charge) was looking a bit tattered.. the band was peeling away from it, and I had superglued it back in place.. but I was tired of how beat up it looked. I decided after Christmas i was going to use some money I was given to replace it. I debated whether or not to simply replace it with another one or something different. I didn't want to spring for the Charge HR because I really don't care about my heart rate, and honestly I was wondering if another Charge would end up the same way as mine did. So I did some research. I looked at the Up2 which is slightly less unattractive than the UP24 (that thing was ugly but I got it cheap) but still slightly ugly.. and it doesn't have a display on it. You have to open the app to see your steps and calories, and that also means it doesn't show the time like the FitBit which allowed it to replace my watch. So I would have had to get a watch too.. so that was out.. mainly because it was kinda ugly.This was the UP24 by the way.

Anyway long story short, I ended up with a Garmin Vivofit2.. because it's the same price as the Charge, it's water resistant (can wear it in the shower), and you can switch the band out.. so if it ever gets beat up, that can be replaced. Also.. they make some cute colored bands.
Here's the new one.

The problem was that it doesn't use the same app as my scale, so I would have to do things differently. I settled on MyFitnessPal because I can link both the scale for weight and the Garmin for steps/calories, and it's all in one place again... though this was a bit of a pain in the ass to get working properly since I had to unlink the Fitbit Charge.

Well, the fitbit app is really not very good in my mind for tracking food because so few things are in the results when you search, brands are impossible to find, and so many things I had to enter myself. I gave up on it after a while.. or used it occasionally but not daily. Well, this is different.. everything is entered in MyFitnessPal if you search calories, and it reminds me everyday to enter breakfast, lunch and dinner.. although.. lately those are not all occurring. It also sets the calorie goal lower.
I've started using it.. tracking everything pretty much except binges that are purged. I tell myself I don't want to see the calories if I eat an extra snack or a veggie burger at 2am, but I find myself tracking it anyway. And I kinda love the little nagging reminder that I haven't eaten enough calories. I pretty much only once in the past week have reached/exceeded the goal and then every time I have eaten less. Less can be 1000 calories in a day, or today it ended up being 179. It was one of those days where I entered food before work that I brought with me to eat, and then I ended up deleting some of it because I never ate it. Today's odd plan was 7 rice cakes, but I only managed 4 because I've been nauseous all day. I was actually frustrated because they sounded delicious (can that describe plain rice cakes?) when I bought them today, but I only ate the last couple to see if my stomach would settle.

And my weight is still dropping steadily. I failed at the cereal diet.. well one day I managed.. another I caved and ate a meal at work (vegan chili I had stuck in the freezer after not eating it when I first brought it) and chips. The other I ended up eating a veggie burger at 2am. So today I was supposed to not eat as punishment for the chili, but I decided the rice cakes were a reward for weight loss. My reward was rice cakes with mustard... I think maybe I'm dehydrated and just need to eat a big bowl of salt (kidding)

But this whole decision about tracking calories does not seem to be good for me. I'm searching to find the one entry for mustard that lists it as having calories because so many say zero. I'm entering the 4 calories for a mini warheads candy. So this probably isn't healthy, but I feel safer now. I did end up pacing my apartment once already to get to a certain number of calories burned.. but mostly am settling for the number being greater than what I've eaten, and that doesn't take much effort some days.

I also failed miserably at sleeping last night and laid in bed contemplating how completely pointless my life is. That was not pleasant.. so the nausea today is because of too little sleep, too little food, and too much caffeine I am sure.