Diets and paranoia

Not sure why I am writing this. It's kinda pointless. Also probably triggering and disordered.

So I guess I'm not eating a whole lot. Well, a lot by some standards but not healthy ones. I mean yesterday I binged and purged and otherwise ate nothing. Today I ate a serving (carefully counted) of fritos and one cup of cereal. It took me the 8 hours I was at work to actually finish the cereal.
I've been losing weight.. 6 pounds so far. That seems like too much, but I've weighed twice today on 2 scales (and twice yesterday on two scales). I do not trust my fitbit scale. It is terrible about changing whenever it's moved. It was in the kitchen because there was more space, but the cats kept walking on it. I worried that would affect it, so I moved it to the bathroom where there's very little room. Sometimes it's bumped by the door. One day I stepped on 3 times and got 3 different weights. I was obviously bothered. After thinking about it, I decided not to care. I would do my best not to move it, and even if the number isn't 100% right, it will show a gain or loss. The other scale I trust more because it always says I am the same or heavier but never lighter.

So anyway.. work today. I don't know why, but I got the feeling people were staring or looking at me strangely. I didn't know why. I checked my clothes, my face, my hair (which admittedly looks dry and frizzy and awful). Nothing looked that bad. It was really weird. I wondered if it is my weight. If it was that I was shaking from too much caffeine. Did I look tired? Was I simply imagining the whole thing? Probably that... But I couldn't help it. I do that.

I am hoping to make them stare because I've lost weight. I'm going to put myself on a diet consisting solely of cereal. Probably an awful idea, but I like it. It starts tomorrow... Or rather later today since it's past midnight.