Guilt and worry

So I did it. I talked to my supervisor. He went to lunch at the same time I did and started talking to me. I told him I am more stressed than I expected. I said that I am not eating or sleeping enough. I said I am not coping in healthy ways. Unfortunately he asked about the drinking. I said that I have occasionally. He said not to bring it to work and I said of course not. He asked about outpatient. I explained why I wasn't doing it. He said that worried him. He said he worries about me. Not as an employer but as a friend. I said I don't want to worry people. He asked about the atmosphere at work and if anyone was causing me stress. I said it's not that. That really has improved. He said they took steps to fix it, which I knew. One of my coworkers said how they had talked to some people who had been complaining and gossiping. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but oh well. It really is more the actual work. Thankfully, he didn't ask about the bandaid on my wrist.

After we went back to work, I asked him not to repeat what I said or to at least tell me if he does. He said he won't. That it was off the record. I really would just rather people talk to me directly.

I feel guilty that I worry him. I hate worrying people. He said I have worked there a long time and people want me to be ok. I know they value me, which I really care about. I don't want to disappoint anyone.

I am sorry for not updating sooner. I know I ended the last post on a bad note. I really need to learn my lesson about drunken cutting. Not a great choice. Tomorrow I hope to relax and catch up on sleep.

I don't know if I did the right thing telling him. I think he would worry whether I talked to him or not, and I don't like myself when I lie. I hope he doesn't tell anyone, but I wouldn't be surprised if he did. He has not always been good at keeping things to himself.

I was a bit frustrated because my one request today was not to do reconfirmations. I have been dreaming about them, and I wanted a break. Yeah... I still ended up having to help with them because the analyst doing them was taking too long. I seriously did have a dream where someone sent me to get reruns, but when she printed the list the formatting was wrong so it printed like 50 pages. I was trying to find the ones I needed and hide the rest. So yeah.. I really needed a rest. I am happy to have the next 2 days off. I am exhausted.