Being social

So I am generally doing terribly. I stopped taking my meds and all I want to do is sleep.

But in other news, I have had 3 separate meals with friends. I very nearly cancelled 2, but I had promised my manager at work I was doing this and remembered how excited she was. Like I cried to my therapist and said I couldn't do the dinner yesterday, but I went. I brought books for my friend's children and apparently her 4 year old can read. Her 2 year old has curly hair now and is incredibly talkative. I managed to stay for storytime and putting the kids to bed. It's a little sad how much I missed by locking myself in my apartment, but this is proof I haven't been forgotten. I had brunch with a friend Sunday and lunch Wednesday as well. I got to report to the manager that I had in fact gone through with my plans, and she was very happy. I am done with my performance improvement plan and they say I made progress. I even did a team building game at work, so I am making effort to not lock myself away from the world.

I am not sure I want to be part of the world. I am not sure I want to be alive, but I am trying. That's something at least?