Tonight

I do not know with certainty that I will remember this tomorrow, but I know this tonight. I had ~20 shots of vodka. Basically, 1 bottle minus a couple shots. The difference is that I am now aware of what I am writing.

I may black out later, but for now... I have had a lot to drink. I did eat a lot considering.. but I guess that only is equivalent to 2 meals. The biggest detail is that I poured out the vodka left over. I also poured what was left from yesterday.

I talked to my sponsor yesterday. The main idea was that 1-2 days sober do not give me an idea of what sobriety is life. I haven't been more than a few days sober recently, so what do I know about sobriety?

She says she prays about me every morning. I really wish she didn't. It seems a waste of time, but it seems disrespectful to say that. She has the right to pray as she wishes. I need to just accept this. I need to just deal with life. This may include drinking or not. I am really too drunk to have much insight, but I felt I should say something. I will say more later.