Honesty at work

I managed to put aside my current anger and resentment towards the supervisor and manager (discussed in previous posts), so I could discuss time off. I did rant quite a bit to a coworker about the email from my supervisor. This conversation may have involved a lot of swearing. She agrees his response was not appropriate and that if the manager is doing something that negatively affects others, he should be willing to support me and talk to her not just tell me to talk to her. Me going to my supervisor is the appropriate way to handle this, but my supervisor is such a passive person he won't help. So my coworker says I should go to the boss, but I haven't yet because I would like to limit the number of awkward conversations I have today.

After that, I asked the manager if I could speak with her. I told her I want to take a week off to get help. I explained that I need help with detox and the depression and that it probably isn't safe to detox at home. She was supportive. She put me being off on the calendar for next week. She asked if it was affecting me at work, and I said that I am very stressed. She asked why, and I just said that anything that involves leaving my apartment makes me anxious now and it's a social thing. In previous conversations, I have claimed work is not a problem, so this was more honest than I have been before.

After I talked to her, I asked my supervisor if I could talk to him. I told him that I wanted to take time off and had discussed it with the manager. He was happy that I am going to get help and agreed detoxing at home probably won't go well. He said I didn't need to tell the boss, and that if she needs to know the manager can tell her. I am just going to go with that because I would still prefer to limit who knows about the drinking. If she finds out, it will probably be fine. They can't really fire me over what is essentially a medical condition. It would just be awkward.

So I just need to tell my parents now. That's why I don't plan to go until probably Monday. I also don't know if I really need to get FMLA paperwork or if as long as they are OK with this, I don't need it. So that's another thing I need to figure out before next week. I see my therapist on Thursday, so I may ask her. I think I am going to start packing a bag. I still need to get books to read inpatient because I always read at least 2. So I will do that Thursday. I hope I am making the right choice. This feels right. I think maybe I am ready. I guess I will find out.

I managed to make it through work without saying anything to my supervisor about how he's being a passive ass. I'm editing this after writing the rest. I am angrier than I was because I told him about the daytime supervisor closing cases I was working on Sunday. Apparently, he knew about this and had talked with her. What the fuck? Neither of them bothered to tell me. I was left to be confused and figure out myself. I asked if the cases were forwarded to her, but no..  she decided to pull the unclosed cases and work on them to help me at a time when both of them should have known I was working on the same list. I brought it up with 2 coworkers to make sure I am justified in being angry, that this should not have happened, and to discuss my next step in addressing it since talking to my supervisor accomplished nothing except making me angry. The consensus is that I should talk to the manager next, but I feel really uncomfortable since part of why I am angry has to do with her not closing her QC cases. I mean she is about to do her thesis defense, so I understand she has a lot else to do, but at the very least this could have been communicated better. The Sunday situation.. I really don't understand or could explain without sounding really angry because I just don't understand.. I don't understand why it happened. I don't understand what was communicated between supervisors and how it could be kept from me and neither could be bothered with sending an email or text at least. I am baffled by all of this. I don't want to have an argument or be openly angry when I just asked to take time off on such short notice. So I did mention to a coworker (the one who took over as lead) that I think it needs to be brought up in the department meeting, but I won't be there. I am hoping something gets done. I am afraid if I do it that they will think I'm just lazy and unwilling to do my job. It really is not that. The whole QC system is required by the company and other agencies, and this whole issue violates that because people are closing the cases without proper feedback. If I do bring it up, I will probably emphasize that.. but then I worry it sounds threatening to say that policies are being violated.

I am also now debating talking to the boss about me going inpatient. I am trying to decide if she is going to find out anyway (through the manager) because I would rather she hears it from me and can ask me questions rather than from someone who won't know every answer. My supervisor said she could find out from the manager. I think I should ask the manager if she intends to tell the boss because if the answer is yes I would rather just tell her. It looks better (I think?) to hear it from me than for it to look like I am hiding it from her. If the manager intends not to tell or to lie, then maybe I should just leave things be because less people will know. If I do relapse later, it might be worse for more people to be aware of the truth. I worry she will be watching and waiting for signs that I am drinking again. I am probably being overly paranoid, but I do know that privacy is not an option apparently. My supervisor has spoken about me. The manager has watched me close enough to notice things aren't going well. I am apparently not hiding things well. That leaves me concerned that they will continue to watch my behaviors and draw conclusions about how I am doing from that. I guess tomorrow I will decide about telling the boss. The other drama I may just give up on and hope that them knowing about the QC stuff will be enough for it to be addressed. I am not up for conflict right now.