Shopping

Not working Monday is still so weird to me and not helpful. I can't handle this much free time because all I think about is alcohol. So I decided to go shopping. I managed to sleep a ton last night. I got up around 1 and decided to go to the mall. I almost didn't because it was raining heavily. I got a slice of pizza for lunch, but I didn't end up buying anything else. I wandered around several stores though. I have/had a friend who always hated I can go shopping so much and buy so little. I left and went to several other stores. I went to Dollar Tree (a store where everything is $1) and got some candy, a hair brush, and razor blades. The hair brush is part of my preparing for if I go inpatient. I already picked up some toiletries and am debating packing a bag. I also went to Bed, Bath & Beyond. This one is harder to explain.. but the company also owns a store called World Market that sells weird things like foreign foods and also decorative/household stuff. Well when they closed the World market in town (I was not happy about that) they added a World Market section to Bed Bath & Beyond that sells food and drinks. So I picked up some candy and coffee. Then I went to one of the natural grocery stores in town and got a salad to eat for dinner and some vegetarian sausages that you can't find at the regular stores. Also some protein powder that was on clearance to add to all the protein powder I buy and never use. They didn't have my usual Qrunch burgers, which I was sad about, but I am looking forward to the sausages (field roast Italian sausage)

Now I am back home. It was something of an accomplishment to go to so many stores and interact with people. I tend to limit myself to stores with self checkout. I checked my work email and my supervisor said (response to my angry email) that he wants me to address it with the manager directly. My first thought was that he can go fuck himself. Part of his job is to help those he supervises but he is such a passive person you have to hound him to make him deal with anything. But I won't say that (or at least not to him). I also probably won't talk to the manager because I am also terrified of conflict. Plus, I need to talk to her about personal things and taking time off, so I don't want her to be upset with me. I am hoping I can manipulate my coworkers to bring it up because my coworker is the one who actually got the text about this whole thing.

Sunday by the way.. work was weird. It was only me and the medical director in the building (and he left before me). He kept talking about the new drugs and new protocol, which was a bit distracting. Anyway, I started working on the list of unclosed cases and after a while, it became apparent that the daytime supervisor was closing the same sets of cases at the same time. Like a case that was open when I selected it would be closed with her signature by the time I got to it. I expected her to text or call me when this happened but maybe she didn't realize it. I ended up stopping and waiting for 10-15 minutes and then seeing if the rest were done, which they were. It seemed to make more sense than to keep working on the cases she obviously was sent.. I am guessing someone forwarded her their QC cases. I didn't feel brave enough to text her and ask because I thought if I was wrong (not sure how) I would look stupid. This whole issue with the cases needs to be addressed, and I doubt my supervisor will. I know my coworker wants to bring it up in the department meeting, which unfortunately is at the same time I have therapy on Thursday, so I won't be there. Hopefully it will all work out. I hate missing the meetings and relying on my supervisor to update me because he won't unless I ask him. He is notorious for not telling people updates they miss. It happened so many times when I was part time and got there after everyone. He's a decent guy but has even less social skills than me.

I am anxious about talking to them about time off tomorrow. I talked to an AA friend yesterday and she was supportive about this choice. She wanted to hang out yesterday but I was so exhausted after having no sleep that I just couldn't manage it. I am a bit frustrated because she never gave me an answer about staying at her apartment for detox, but I also don't want to anymore because the idea of being around the 3 other people living there is terrifying. Hospital is probably the best option at this point.