Small talk

So I don't know why this felt like a huge accomplishment, but I think some of you will understand. I got home from work and could see before I even parked that 2 people were talking by the stairs to my apartment. One was sitting on then. By the way, I hate people who do that so they either have to stand up to let me pass or I have to squeeze by. But I only sat in my car for a minute before deciding it wasn't practical to wait in the car. Pretty sure most people wouldn't have even been considering sitting in the car hoping they would leave but whatever. So I go and I said hi to them and the man asked if I had a good day. I said yes and while squeezing by the sitting woman (seriously didn't stand up?) asked him the same. He said I must have because I had a smile on my face. Umm no that's my awkward conversation smile but whatever. He then said it was probably because it's Friday and I probably don't work tomorrow. I stopped at the top of the stairs and turned and explained I work all weekend but got off work early, so I was happy. I wished them both a good night and went inside. So I actually talked to random strangers for more than the minimum required hello. Then I was instantly relieved to be locked safely inside.

Not looking forward to work this weekend. A guy I work asked if I was going to talked to the manager. It was only after he said it would be weird since she was part of the problem that I realized he meant about the QC cases. I said I didn't know. Seriously, why hasn't he? If it bothers him. I don't think anyone has said a damn thing other than me to the supervisor (twice!) when the consensus last Saturday was that I emailed him and they needed to back me up so I won't seem like a bitch.

Then my supervisor asked if I would be there Sunday, and I said I would and was going to be gone starting Monday. He says he will be there Sunday, so I have that awkwardness to look forward to. I may use it to nag him about the QCs again. I didn't tell my other coworker but my current plan is to nag him a few more times to see if he will deal with this. It kinda makes me seem passive aggressive.. which I am fine with but don't really want to admit to. Especially since I am not doing it because I don't want to talk to the manager. I am doing it so he will do his fucking job. I also am trying not to cause problems when I am going inpatient soon. I am concerned about what people will think since only a few people know. I also am worried that they will try to keep me for more than a week, and I only told work a week. I may casually bring up Sunday that I won't really have control over this because if they want to keep me longer, I would have to discharge AMA and my understanding is that insurance can refuse to pay if I do. Plus, they can do shit like put a psychiatric hold on me and refuse. I haven't said this yet because honestly I am a bit embarrassed that I only know all this because of how many times I have been inpatient. I have watched this happen to other patients. Work only really knows I was in hospital once. They don't know that really it's like 9-10 times over the past 9 years. Anyway, my supervisor said I probably need documentation about how long it will be like last time, so I can get that from the doctor after I am admitted. I can also probably get the FMLA paperwork once I am there if I have to. I am hoping it won't be an issue.

I am feeling more ready now. I have had an upset stomach today and keep reminding myself that maybe the hypoglycemia and nausea will go away if I am sober. I am ready to have the option to skip meals again, which probably isn't healthy motivation. Whatever helps I guess?