Free at last

I am out again. 10 days sober.. technically inpatient for 11, but during my intake assessment they did a breathalyzer, and my blood alcohol was .11 and in my state anything over .08 is legally intoxicated.. so  I'm not counting that day.

Parts of the stay were good. Parts were bed. I honestly only went to about half the groups and then napped a lot. In my defense I was on Librium, Tegretol and trazodone so I was drowsy. I also was just freaking cold. Last night the nurse asked how I was not burning up in a long sleeve shirt, sweatpants, and a hoodie. I said my hands were still cold. The tech (who agreed it was cold) checked my nails to make sure my circulation was ok.

My therapist was ok. My psychiatrist was ok. She switched out my Lithium for depakote because my thyroid levels were terrible. I admitted that I had missed a few doses, though it honestly was more than a few.

I am at my parent's house now. I am going home tonight. I also need to pick up bandages for my arms which I may have burned several times while inpatient.

ED was pretty bad. Mostly skipped meals. The cafeteria staff were really rude about my vegetarian meals. I made the mistake of telling a tech who called the head of the dietary department who when she finally shut up and listened and apologized repeatedly. She made the cafeteria person (who clearly wasn't sorry) apologize. I was mortified. He (tech) dragged me to dinner because the manager didn't want me skipping meals. I made him let me take it back home. I stared at it and almost cried and then put it in the trash. After that he kept bringing me trays. I kept refusing to go to the cafeteria out of embarrassment except dinner last night that I purged.

But I am home. Honestly spent the last 3 days obsessing over the perfect binge for tomorrow. That's probably bad, but it doesn't involve drinking. We'll see. I technically work Saturday, but I am telling him that I will come back Sunday. I doubt he'll object. I really do need groceries and meetings and a day to de-stress. I am not going to say that unless I have to.

Thank you for all the supportive comments about this.