Day 2

So I didn't actually teach today, but I did go to school. I need to get into the habit of being there and getting stuff done.

Did I bitch yesterday about getting a parking ticket? I don't think I did.. I got one (it's going to be $75) for being too close to a fire hydrant. I honestly didn't notice it because I was parked by this enormous pile of sticks and plant stuff that was higher than my car and was several yards long.. anyway, it was my fault, but it did not help my bad day.

So I'm still pretty broke (will add about that in a bit), but I went ahead and paid the $70 for a parking permit so I can park on campus. I was planning too but not this soon.. still it's cheaper than ending up with more parking tickets, and I know they patrol the area because so many students park in the neighborhood around school because they don't want to pay for a parking permit. I have 2 friends like that, and they end up sometimes being parked pretty far away.

So I did that, and I managed to find a decent parking spot. Parking is terrible because there are not enough parking lots for everyone there.. you either need to be there before 9:30am, around lunchtime (when I got there today), or after around 3pm if you don't want to spend 20 minutes or more circling the various parking lots.

I did find out what's wrong with my car. It is just a cable that's broken, but the place is claiming they had to buy it from a dealership where it cost $400 rather than most I've seen online that are between 150-200. I don't know enough about cars to know if those are the right one, and it may be that they would have had to keep the car a lot longer to order one from somewhere else. So it's going to be around $700. My parents are paying and I am paying them back when I get my loans.

I did find out the reason I haven't gotten that money is that I needed to go online and do "entrance counseling" again. It's this dumb online thing that the government makes us do to basically assure we know that it's a loan and we have to pay it back and various policies. The emails I got from the government didn't really mention this. The one from the school said to do it if I hadn't already. I didn't realize/remember it was an every year thing because the other form the government requires is done every 10 years. So I did that and should hopefully get my money by the end of the week.. I can pay my rent as late as the 3rd, so I'm pretty certain I'll have it by then.

I guess none of that was really about going to school. The car and loan stuff is just stuff I found out while there.

I finally talked to my boss.. it was longer than 5 minutes but we always end up talking longer. She asked at one point how B was doing, and I mentioned she was off her meds. She asked if they should do anything such as telling B's boss (we work for different lab coordinators). I said no and that B was ok except some bad choices. I mentioned I was staying out of it because of drama. And I did tell her about the whole baby thing and she says she'll pretend she never heard that. I think she got what i meant about illogical decisions.

What she had wanted to ask me was if I thought I'd get burnt out dealing with unresponsive students. I'm not sure what she meant by unresponsive. I said I only really mind the disruptive ones and that I manage to not get very angry. She just said she wanted to ask because I have 60 students now instead of 40.

I think this question is not so much about how I treat my students because she has told me several times about students who told them how good I was and never really mentioned any complaints. I think it has to do with my tendency to self destruct during the semester. This is true.

My 1st semester I ended up in the psych ward. Since then I've waited until the semester ended to go in anywhere
Summer 2013- I went to detox twice and did 8 weeks of an outpatient program
Winter- I went to rehab for 3 weeks
Summer 2014- I managed to only end up in the hospital for a week, but that's still more than other students

She knows about the eating disorder and depression and self harm and alcoholism. She's actually very understanding. She has kids, and she tends to treat her graduate assistants like kids. She'll ask me what I've eaten. Once she told me to put on a jacket because it was cold outside. I think that's why she's been good to talk to. She was also not at all upset by the error with the student not on my roster. She asked some stuff about it and just says to email the student and ask about her schedule. She agrees it's quite possible she registered after she printed the rosters last friday. That does happen.

Other than that, I spent a few hours there working on stuff for the paper I'm writing. I made a very basic outline so I could remember what I had discussed with the professor about the topic. I have narrowed it down a lot. I also reorganized all my articles. Instead of being categorized basically as read or not read, I put them by category (I still will probably have to mark what I've read).

Don't know if I have talked about it much. This paper is basically what I write instead of doing research and writing a thesis. It's still about 50 pages long, but it's on a topic you (well you and your advisor) choose rather than your own research.

Mine is currently about viruses used for gene therapy. Basically, I've decided to compare and contrast the major used viruses: HIV and related retroviruses (there are similar viruses in other species), Herpes viruses (including Herpes simplex, cytomegalovirus, and epstein barr), and adeno-associated viruses. I know a bit about retroviruses. Cytomegalovirus is what my research was about, but there are a lot of other herpes viruses. The last she explained but I know almost nothing about.

I'm covering the things gene therapy is used for.. mostly diseases caused by an inadequate amount of some protein or cell type, diseases causing a mutated form of the protein, and actually some very interesting stuff about targeting tumors. Also, what other methods of gene therapy and how this compares to virus vectors. Then a comparison of the viruses as well as pros and cons of each for different purposes. There's also (not sure if I'll include this) techniques where instead of mutating the virus, you essentially gut it (remove its DNA) and put something else in. I think the term is pseudovirus.. I have it written down somewhere.  Mainly today was reorganizing so the process should be easier.

Let me know if you'd like to hear more on the science stuff because otherwise I may not end up mentioning a lot. Gladly will include stuff I've learned if you want to hear it

I went to AA at 6 and am home now (drinking). Tomorrow I teach at 3:30 and I have to sort out picking up my car and returning my mom's car. Complicated by the fact I can't guarantee I'll be done teaching before the place closes, so my dad would have to pay and somehow arrange me picking it up. It also might be before I teach, but I'd rather deal with it after.

At least tomorrow my class is covering a lot less material than Monday classes did.

I am also trying to manage to adjust my eating for school starting. All summer my eating has been off.. I sleep late so I don't eat a normal breakfast. I go to AA in the evening, so sometimes dinner is quite later. Now I have added time spent at school, which means I should be eating a meal at school several times during the week. This has always been hard. There are 2 refrigerators I can use. One is in the research building and the other the building I teach in. The research building I can be fairly confident my food won't be taken or thrown away because really very few people know it's there. However, I would have to walk over there to get the food, and I HATE eating around other grad students or professors, so I would probably have to then take it somewhere else. The building I teach in is convenient because that's where I normally am, but a lot of students use that fridge and the microwave so I'd be nervous leaving food there. I also don't always know how long I'll end up on campus, so really I should be keeping food there for the days I'm there for 6-8 hours. Ideally though, it should not need refrigeration because then I can keep it in my locker. I welcome any suggestions. My current plan involves granola bars and pb&j sandwiches. Maybe some dried fruit.