Just got out of the got out of the hospital a couple hours ago. Overall feeling much better. 7 days sober now.
It was a very nice place. Not too crowded. Nice nurses and staff. My roommate was.. ok sometimes. She slept a lot during the day, so I felt terrible going in and making any noise or turning on any light. She was nice though. We didn't talk very much.
The treatment center has several different programs. I know there's a faith based program, a co-occurring disorder program (mine), and some sort of senior program. Really not sure. Most of the schedule seemed the same for all of us.. movement/recreational therapy. That was either yoga or going outside.. I skipped because it's hot outside and I didn't feel like yoga. Napping sounded better. Then there was a nursing group where a nurse rambled about something.
The difference between the programs was the psychotherapy groups. Those were separate. There were 2 a day, one process group and one education group. Honestly.. I didn't like my group. It wasn't exactly the therapist or the material. It was that one man seemed to spend every session bitching about his wife and his marriage. Like if we were talking about anger, he was saying how they always end up yelling or she goes off and cries and won't explain why. He also said to her at some point maybe he should drive her to a mental hospital (and the one he listed is NOT a nice hospital). The therapist never seemed to interrupt him.
Plus, I fell into my usual therapist role.. I mean giving advice in groups is a wonderful thing. The problem is I tend to take over if the therapist isn't saying anything useful. Plus, I'm mostly repeating things other therapists have said around me in the past.
As for me, therapy wasn't very helpful, but they did have AA meetings nightly. I also did a lot of reading (spiritual books and such). Also napping.. the detox med makes me really tired.
The news is that my psychiatrist there has diagnosed me as bipolar (specifically bipolar 2). There has been discussion of this with previous doctors, but nobody ever diagnosed it. I have been on a mood stabilizer of some sort for at least 5 years, and without it I get worse.
What he says (I may add a link later if I find some info) is that if someone with bipolar is depressed and you put them on an antidepressant while depressed, it can induce a sort of hypo-mania. That ends up seeming like the depression is fixed. It does however explain why antidepressants never seem to work long term. I usually switch at least once a year.. usually it's a combination. And the seroquel and trazadone and neurontin I'm on for anxiety and sleep mask some manic symptoms. For example, if I don't take the seroquel (and this has been true for a while) I get maybe 1 hour of sleep. It hasn't been obvious because the alcohol mixed with everything else knocks me out at night.
While the diagnosis is still kinda shocking, I am ecstatic that he actually reduced the number of medications I am taking!!
I was on
Wellbutrin (antidepressant)
Lexapro (antidepressant)
Lamictal (mood stabilizer)
Seroquel (technically an anti-psychotic but in low doses as a sleep aid)
Trazadone (anti anxiety and antidepressant)
Neurontin (anti seizure but also anti anxiety
Now it is
Wellbutrin
Lamictal
Seroquel
and Neurontin as needed for anxiety. I was taking 800mg 3 times a day. Now it's 100mg up to every 4 hours if needed, but I never had to use it in the hospital
I mostly behaved myself. I was there a week. I purged twice and scratched myself a few times. Managed not to pick too badly at my skin. It helped that since my roommate was always asleep, I had to be in the day room, and it's much harder to self harm in the day room. Plus, my bathroom was also right by the day room, so I was concerned someone would hear me. During the assessment, I said I had never had an eating disorder. I think I did pretty well compared to previous treatments.
Today's plan.. I had a friend from AA take me to the hospital. My dad dropped me off at their house. I'm having dinner with my parents, and then he's dropping me off at my AA home group. Then someone is driving me home after the 8pm meeting. My car is still at my apartment, so I can't go anywhere right now, which is in my best interest.
Thank you guys for the sweet comments! I appreciate the support
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