School finally got their shit together

So admittedly a lot of what's happened with the school financial aid was my fault for waiting so late to email about what was going on. I don't agree with the suspension reasons and that but anyway

I got an email a bit before 6 about the payment deadline being tomorrow, and I freaked out a bit. I was sitting at AA and trying to look up everything on my phone. My emergency loan wasn't there. It wouldn't let me do a payment plan. I re-applied for the emergency loan, and then just in case checked the financial aid award link... and it was there. Loans for both fall and spring, and a grant (money I don't have to pay back) for some of it.

I was really happy. I didn't think it would be done that fast. I had emailed the financial aid office this afternoon, but didn't get a response.

This was great because I had applied at a couple places for private loans and been denied. I looked and my credit score is "fair" so it must not be good enough for loans. But it's fine because this is better.

Things are still rough. I wanted to go to church yesterday, but it was raining heavy and the highway was flooded at several places. There was one exit where a van was stuck with water halfway up the doors. It was terrifying. I gave up because I was only halfway there by the time church would start. I parked in some random parking lot and decided to just go to my parents house. The rain wasn't as bad there.

I was feeling really suicidal yesterday. I forgot my meds in the morning.. so not sure if it was that or the driving or the fact I drank Saturday. Or who knows what. Today was a bit better. I'm still drinking tonight.. but the depression is a bit better.

I am having lunch with B tomorrow despite my sponsor's advice. I am hoping that because our schedules are different and with me going to AA, I won't have to see her a lot at school. I want to be friends with B and L but I need to make boundaries this semester. I really do want to stay sane and stop drinking or at least not spiral down. That does require not taking on anyone else's problems. I definitely have enough of my own.