AA bitch

I should preface this with this story from tonight is not the only reason I call her a bitch. She likes to be in everyone's business. She judgmental. She has said some pretty offensive things in meetings like how her daughter is a lesbian and doesn't approve of it, which has nothing to do with alcohol and has no place in a meeting. She's bad about cross talk and correcting what other people say.

Well, tonight I went to the 6pm meeting. Afterward, I was sitting in the room waiting for the 8pm meeting. She asks how I'm doing. I said I'm ok. She asks essentially if I'm lying. I nodded. So we ended up talking.. and it started ok. She was asking about the crucifix I had on and talked about how I should rely on god and how he loves me.

Then she starts asking me about me teaching and if I'd thought about teaching high school. I said no. She goes on about teaching for a bit. I said I wanted to do research, and she says that's because I'm avoiding being around people. No research job is going to prevent me being around people.

So she asks me if I've finished the paper I'm doing at school. I say no and she looks disapproving. We talk about school and she thinks I should change mentors. I try to explain that at this point it doesn't matter much. It only mattered when I was doing research because she sucks at helping in the lab.

Anyway, 8pm rolls around. It was a lousy meeting. Lots of people talking about how much they want to drink or rambling about how people don't take the program seriously. Anyway, very negative.

When the meeting is ending, I see this woman is holding a desire chip, which is supposed to be if you want to stay sober for 24 hours. She points at me, which means other people saw her do it, and most of them don't know about the relapse because I've only told people I really trust. I shake my head. I go to pick up my purse and leave, and a really sweet guy motions for me to stay. He says that it's about when I'm ready. I stay but stare at the table.

The meeting ends and the guy comes over and says it's about when I'm ready and not to let anyone push me. I thank him. He's a really nice guy. I've seen him at other meetings but never really talked to him. He's right, and I know that. It's none of this woman's business. Even if she means well, nobody is supposed to force those chips on someone. If I took it, I'd be lying. I didn't intend to be sober tonight.

My main objection to what she did is that she pointed to me in front of everyone, and if this guy noticed other people probably did too. I know she was looking at the chairperson when she picked up the chip and pointed at me. I do not think it is at all appropriate to point someone out as not being sober. I mean it's not like I was drunk in the meeting. Some people don't think people should talk in meetings if they aren't sober, and I did not say a single word. And again it gives me no credit for sitting through 2 meetings. I went to meetings monday, tuesday, wednesday, and tonight. I'll go to one tomorrow, though she might be there, so I may tell my sponsor and use her as defense. I don't know how many people actually noticed her point to me, but it is just so inappropriate. I accept her giving me advice. I don't like it, but I know she meant well. But you can't force someone to get sober, especially not by shaming them.

So now I have yet another resentment against her to deal with. I really let the others go (though they were replaced by the other people who think they know what's best for me), but I was upset by this.