Money, vampires, and vodka

.. I just liked that title. It does fit what I'm writing about.

Money
I am very angry with the financial aid office at school now. Really angry. I don't remember exactly what parts of this whole fiasco I've shared. Well, after waiting for my money I emailed the financial aid last wednesday (Aug 27th) to ask what was going on. I received an email saying that they had released the funds to this company Higher Ed and so I should get it from the company in 2-3 business days.
So I wait. I email them yesterday (Sept 4th) to say I still haven't heard anything, who should I contact? The whole issue yesterday was that the stupid phone system for Higher Ed requires you to have the stupid card they give you even though in my case the money is deposited into my bank and not onto the dumb card.. so I didn't know where it was. There was no way to get past the automated system without the card number. I found it last night. At some point, financial aid responds and says to contact Higher Ed.
I call as soon as I get up today. Higher Ed says they haven't received anything from the school. So I email financial aid AGAIN. And (this is all the same person) responds "I apologize, your refund has not been sent to HigherOne yet. It has been disbursed but the funds have not been released by the Cashiers office. " and gives an email for them. I double checked and she specifically had said I should receive the money from Higher Ed which implies she knew the money was sent.
So I get to call the cashiers office and they say they had to manually release it because for some reason it didn't go through automatically. This means I will probably get the money next wednesday or thursday.
I get that it was probably some sort of computer error that it didn't get sent, but since I repeatedly emailed this same person about it, perhaps she could have actually checked this before today and I could have dealt with it sooner and not wait yet another week for this money. I am once again running out of money, and I really don't want to have to ask my parents, but I may have to.

Vampires
I really at times feel bad with this term, but it's still pretty accurate. So my friend L (the one whose boyfriend killed himself) had invited me to some party thing this evening. It's one where you host a party to sell some sort of product and by doing so get some discount.. it's weird. I've been to ones before where it was either makeup or jewelry. Anyway, she had even said when she sent this invitation there would be dinner and wine. I had told her I probably wouldn't go, but we could do lunch. I was actually supposed to go see other friends, but I cancelled that too because really I'm exhausted and not up to that much interaction.
So I explain the whole financial thing this morning because I'm almost in tears. I had also called my sponsor and so talked to her too. Anyway, L says I can borrow money from her and gets upset when I said I did a payday loan.. which I don't know if I explained.. it honest seems like these should be illegal. I borrowed $300.. and on October 1st when I get paid I have to pay back $300 plus $82 in interest. I explained how I owe my parents so much money. She offers to lend me money, but I really do not want to owe money to yet another person.. plus.. I'm really supposed to be keeping my distance.
We go to lunch.. and it goes ok. Mostly she talks.. and mostly about friends and drama and her ex boyfriend (the meth addict not the one who killed himself) and all sorts of stuff. I talked some. We go back to school for the department seminar. I sit with L since we had been at lunch together. We sit down. At some point, I look over and see B (bipolar vampire) sitting toward the other side of the room. She hadn't been there last week, so it hadn't been an issue who I sat with. I noticed B and sort of pointed her out to L. I am not sure if B noticed us. I was hoping not to get into anything. B left before us, so who knows.
I'm still saying out of it. The difference is that L has contacted me to make plans and texted me and talked to me. I haven't heard from B since before school started. I need to check with my sponsor, but I don't want to initiate a conversation.
Well, L drives me back to her house because I left my backpack there and then back to my car. She then starts going on about how we should hang out and how she's realized how our days are limited so we have to make the most of them and we should do things we enjoy and not be caught up with school.
It was sweet, but there was a bit of a creepy vibe.. like it almost started sounding possessive. Like I should have standing plans with her every week and find fun things to do together... and this starts to sound like how there were times B and I saw each other daily and hung out at her house and went to eat together... and those were the times where I relapsed when B went off her meds and got crazy. So I think my sponsor and I need to talk. I am not opposed to spending time with L. She's a good friend, but I need to figure out a way to do this and protect my sobriety.

 And speaking of sobriety. Topic 3

Vodka
I wanted to drink in the morning when I was freaking out over money. I called my sponsor and I was pretty much stuck at school all day, so I couldn't go then. I felt ok after school because I just went to a craft store and then to AA.
Well, after the 6pm meeting I started thinking about it again. For the longest time, I would leave right after that meeting to go to the liquor store, or if I already had vodka to go home and drink and maximize my drinking time. Either way, I developed this habit of watching the clock, and it became almost painful watching the clock during the 8pm meetings knowing the liquor stores close at 9. Honestly.. there were so few days I wasn't drinking lately, but even knowing I had the liquor, I watched the clock anxious to go home and drink.
So I was watching the clock after the meeting. I texted my sponsor and she didn't respond for a while (she has kids and eats dinner around then). I decided to stay for the 8pm meeting but the room was way too loud, so there's a side room with chairs and a table. I went in there. I decided that since I bought a rosary a couple weeks ago, I could do that because a lot of praying the rosary is meditation. Though.. of course when I was looking online (I did not grow up catholic so I'm learning this stuff) Fridays you are supposed to meditate on the sorrowful mysteries. There's joyful mysteries, sorrowful mysteries, and luminous mysteries. Sorrowful mysteries are: Christ praying in the garden, Christ being scourged on the pillar, Christ being crowned with thorns, carrying the cross, and then the crucifixion.
But anyway.. I really was able to focus on it, but then this guy comes in. Everyone sort of loves and hates him at the same time.. I tend toward hate. He asks why I'm sitting there in the dark. I hold up the rosary. He asks if I'm catholic and I explain the whole byzantine catholic thing. He then sits down and starts talking to me.. about treatment and school.. well at some point I lose my place where I was holding the rosary. He finally leaves to go get something to eat, and I finish the last 2 parts.. but it really pissed me off. I mean I could tell him to leave, but I thought it was pretty obvious that if someone is sitting in a room alone with a rosary, they probably want to be alone.
Well, I stay for the 8pm meeting. It was awful.. it was basically everyone giving one guy advice over living with his addict girlfriend.. like not just sharing experience, actively telling him things. Really annoying.
I go to the 10pm meeting because I told someone I would. That meeting was ok. I was sitting there though (and this thought had been slowly growing) that I would drink tomorrow (Saturday). Not an urge.. just very matter of fact. I would drink. I would go to the womens meeting. I would probably try to get out of doing anything afterwards and if not limit it. Then I would drink. This is still in my head. It's too late to call my sponsor, and I don't know how I'll feel in the morning.. but yeah.. not sure how this will go.