I'm back in that unemployed don't know what to do with myself mode.
I've been good
1. I got out of bed at 10am rather than staying there until 2pm
2. I ate breakfast
3. I applied for unemployment (doubt I qualify but worth a shot) and 4 jobs

Now... I'm sitting. I watched a few shows on Netflix. I spent a bit of time looking at things I can't afford to buy. I researched hamster healthcare because my mom's hamster is getting old and she's worried.. personally, I like hamsters (except the last one I had developed a taste for human flesh) but there's not much you can do.

Anyway.. boredom. I don't want to leave the apartment. I don't really need to either. I could stand to buy more diet soda or some sort of beverage to go with the vodka. I have a handle of vodka (1.75L) plus a bit because I bought 2 on thursday or friday (don't remember). I have a decent variety of food.

I don't want to deal with people. I am just killing time until it's late enough to start drinking. This is usually 2 or 3pm. Sometimes I can last until 4 if I slept in. I can't pace myself these days, so if I start now I'll end up asleep or passed out on the couch by 6pm

Currently I'm sitting in silence because I'm too lazy or don't care enough to click next episode. Somehow TV+Computer is too much sometimes. I can't look away from the monitor enough to deal with anything.

Goals
Don't sit in silence
Don't go to bed before 10pm
I can't put a limit on drinking because that becomes a challenge
Try to manage 2 meals, not just snacks

i think that's it today. I don't think I can manage productivity. Depression sucks. Anxiety sucks. I suck at living. I can manage existing at least.