Giving up

The new plan is this. Monday I will pull the manager or if she's not there my supervisor aside and just say that after the past couple days I need to be in the hospital. I am no longer just depressed. I am suicidal. This is largely because of stress at work although I may not say that. If I mention that this changed over the weekend, they can probably figure it out. Work was insane today. There is going to be insanity tomorrow. I am exhausted. I drove home thinking of ways to kill myself and what to say to make them understand that I need to be inpatient if they want me alive. I didn't want to use the word suicidal, but I think it now applies. It is hard to argue with. I might even text my supervisor or the manager tomorrow about talking to them. It is a terrible time to be off work, but I can't do this. I seriously almost lost it tonight. I just cannot handle the amount of work and the exhaustion anymore. I can't pretend to be happy. I doubt any amount of sleep will help. I expect to cry tomorrow. I don't even care anymore. I know they might hate me for this, but I have a feeling they would hate me for dying too. So I will try to keep it together until Monday and then I will try to make this as clear as possible.

I think I may text her tomorrow to ask to speak to her Monday and offer to come in early. I will say it's personal but important. If she wants me to communicate it via text or call her, I can. If she wants to just start with the meeting with HR, that's fine. I just want to make sure she doesn't leave without me saying this because I don't want to put this off. I really doubt my ability to keep myself alive. I don't know if I want help, but I need help. I will somehow manage this.