I normally would not ask this because it is rather pathetic, but if anyone is reading this I could use some kind words. I am just feeling very low. I am so anxious about work today. Both because I need to talk to them about getting help since I am rather suicidal, but I also just have to keep it together despite the exhaustion. I slept poorly. I woke up around 10 despite being determined to sleep until noon. I managed a little more sleep and even reset my alarm for 1 before deciding that it was not going to help. I showered to look presentable and went to the liquor store. I bought a smaller bottle of vodka because if I go inpatient tomorrow I hopefully only need enough for tonight. I am now sitting at Target having a large diet Pepsi and breadsticks for lunch and will pick up a salad for work and probably at least one energy drink. I shouldn't be having so much caffeine, but I can't think of any other way. I am so tired and so low right now. I am fairly sure I will cry at work again and just hope it's not until late enough that there are less people around to potentially see. Things just keep getting worse and I can't do this much longer. I really hope they are understanding. So any encouragement is welcome. I am very much at the end of my rope and trying just to hang on.
Sending you very many kind words, plenty of encouragement, and a whole lot more rope for you to hang on to. My hand is reaching out to yours, pulling you up, back to life. You can do this, you really can. Believe in yourself, stay strong and keep fighting. You deserve so much better than this. This is the start of your recovery. This is the start of your new life. Onwards and upwards. Xoxo
ReplyDeleteYou deserve the best in life. Praying for your happiness. Fighting the dragons of addiction and self loathing is exhausting. You can do this.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I haven't been around recently. I hate that you're suffering so much. I truly believe you can get through this. There is help out there, help that you not only need, but deserve. It's not easy, but you're a fighter - that much is obvious from the time I've known you.
ReplyDelete"When get to the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on."
Going to catch up on the new posts today, but felt I should still leave you some support here <3
xxxx