Losing it

I was right about work being bad today. It was terrible. I was exhausted. I slept until after 1pm and was still tired. I had 2 energy drinks and was still tired. I managed to keep it together until maybe 9 or 10. Then I had to take a break because I couldn't stop myself from crying. I sat in this little room with chairs (called the wellness room) and I cried. One coworker came looking for me to see about getting coffee. She saw me and said I need to talk to the manager because I can't keep going like this. She's the one who I have talked to about things. I tried walking around in the unoccupied side of the building and sat down to cry again. A different woman came in and gave me tissues and asked if I needed a hug. I said no and that I would be okay. I am not sure if she heard me or if she just knew that's why I went in there. I joke about crying. We all had lunch together and she showed me Charlie the unicorn videos and I laughed so hard there were tears. So she may just have known. It was awkward though. I eventually stopped crying and went back to work. The second coworker sent me a message that she was there if I needed to talk. I said I was just exhausted.

I managed to finish the shift. I did message my supervisor that I need to talk to them tomorrow and that things had gotten a lot worse in the past couple days. He said that was fine and she should be there tomorrow. He never said anything about me crying. I don't know if he didn't notice or just didn't say anything. He did look at me a bit strange over lunch but that was probably related to Charlie the unicorn.. because yeah. Those people were on something. My coworker said she was surprised that I hadn't seen it. I am not sure what that says about me exactly.

So I will do my best tomorrow to tell them. I mentioned it to my supervisor so I don't chicken out. I am planning to say that over the weekend I went from being depressed and self destructive to depressed and suicidal. I hope that they will understand. I hope I can make it through my shift. I honestly hope they will let me leave early if I tell them because I am tired and sleep doesn't seem to be helping. I have to wake up early enough to go to the liquor store before work if I am going to survive tomorrow night. So I am trying to get to bed at a decent hour.