Just failing

I really am just failing at life. The past few days I have been physically and mentally feeling terrible. I am back to vomiting daily. Sunday it happened twice at work and again twice after getting home. Yesterday two or three times after work. I started getting light headed every time I stood up yesterday. I drank water but this continued today. I tried to stop at McDonald's before work but only ate a few bites because I could tell that I would get sick if I ate.

I got to work and lasted an hour before asking to go home. I was nauseous and dizzy and knew I would start crying if I stayed, so I gave up and asked to leave. My supervisor let me.. she knows that I have been unwell and wouldn't ask if I wasn't really sick. Still I am worried about getting in trouble. Mainly because she mentioned texting the manager.. not because I was in trouble but because it would affect what they can get done and because she was considering getting someone else to come in and help.

My concern now is the manager saying something. In my defense, I have told my supervisor that I am barely functioning. I have told both her and my former supervisor that I have been physically unwell for a month. I have told her on several occasions when I had bad nights. So I haven't talked to the manager, but I have not hidden being sick. I still haven't heard from my doctor about lab results.

I am home now and feeling incredibly guilty and anxious. I plan to spend the evening in bed. I may offer to work tomorrow if I am feeling better, but I don't want to offer and not be able to. I am considering what to say to the manager if she says something about this. I am debating mentioning being suicidal or just mention the physical issues. For now I am going to try not to think about work. I know logically that I shouldn't feel terribly guilty. I have worked plenty of days when I felt sick. Tonight I just knew I would cry and feared making mistakes. Hopefully rest will help.