Health scares

OK, so I did something absolutely terrifying. I had gone shopping with my mom (not the terrifying part). All day I felt a bit dizzy and way more tired than someone my age should walking around a mall. Also caught sight of myself in many mirrors, and I currently look pretty horrible. The skin around my nose and mouth is red and flaky. I really have no idea why. The skin on my face and hands is also super dry. Plus, I needed to pretty much constantly have something to drink because my mouth was so dry. So basically I didn't feel well.

This is the terrifying part.

When we got home, I was sitting reading things on my phone. I asked if I could talk to her. I told her that my liver is apparently pretty bad. I mentioned some of the health problems I am having like the nausea and dizzy spells. I even told her about the ER trip a few month's ago. I explained about not being able to do much other than go to work. I mentioned going months without checking my mail.

She was pretty understanding about it all. Honestly, my mom and dad have both struggled with depression and anxiety. I am just the only one diagnosed with anything. There's a term "identified patient" that pretty much explains the situation. I am the one who is sick and getting treatment. They just struggle and don't have any diagnosed mental illness.

That was a bit of a tangent. She did ask about the drinking and going to meetings, and I was honest. As far as the health concerns go, I do have an appointment with my GP next week. I also see my psychiatrist. I want to ask my psychiatrist if my medications could make my liver worse because I honestly think I am on too many meds. I need to ask my regular doctor whether the symptoms I have could be related to my liver. I also need to find out if there's any sort of treatment other than just quitting drinking and hoping it heals itself. I mean honestly I don't know how bad it is. My mom agreed that the doctor telling me my labs were the worst he has seen in someone my age was not the appropriate way to say that. It was probably an attempt to scare me. Well, I am scared. Not so much from that. I am scared that I still get dizzy. I am scared that I vomit at least once a day. I am scared by the weird things with my skin.

Which is why I told my mom. I feel like whenever you are scared, you want your mom (I know this isn't always true). You want advice and basically to be told it will be ok. And so I told her, and while she wasn't happy about the drinking, in the end she still hugged me and said she loves me. She wants me to call after I see my doctor. When my dad got home, she explained everything to him because she didn't want me to have to explain it again (which is true).  In the end, we still went to dinner like everything was normal.

Today I have to face going to work and my competency test. I also complained to my mom about that. I am still scared about it. I know how to do my job, but I am scared any tiny error could involve me getting fired. My last re-certification I printed something I meant to save as a PDF, and it wasn't a big deal. I just don't know if a stupid tiny mistake like that is now going to be seen as evidence my brain is fried from the ECT. I don't know. I will update after.

And of course with all this going on my therapist is sick and can't see me today. I did text her about checking my mail (see previous post if that doesn't make sense) and talking to my parents. I think even if I can't see her, I shouldn't have to wait 2 weeks to get credit for this. And now I am going back to sleep because it's before 6, and I don't do mornings