Ugly and stressed

I am really struggling. I am stressed about work and concerned about my health.

Work

So in my last post I mentioned my report card and talking to my supervisor. I asked her yesterday if I could talk to her. She asked if something had happened. I guess I looked upset. I told her I was worried I was too slow. She was really nice and asked why and what I needed. I randomly started crying during this. I honestly didn't expect that, but suddenly there were tears in my eyes. We decided that I would take notes on any problem cases and we would discuss them. I later over Skype asked her not to tell the manager I had cried over a report card. I am not supposed to show stress because it affects morale, and I am really trying to do this. 

Then there was an issue. Cases should be closed in 24 hours, and I found some sent to my ex-supervisor that were 48 hours. I texted my supervisor, and she told me to email him and cc the manager. I did, and he replied that he was still working on these and I didn't need to email him. Really, those cases needed to be closed, but this is an ongoing problem. I am now extremely anxious that he will talk to me today. I only did what I was told to do, but I didn't mention that in the email.

Ugly

I am also still anxious about my health. I am unsure if I care about my life, but I very much care about my appearance. I have this fear of looking like an addict or a crazy person. Right now I have my face that is red and dry. I have my arms and legs that turn reddish-purpleish. My face and arms are most visible. 

I originally worried that I have bugs in my apartment, but that wouldn't explain why the redness comes and goes. I think it's a circulation problem that may or may not relate to my liver. 

I don't know what causes it, but I am very self conscious and believe people can tell that I am an alcoholic. I am also concerned (although not always) that these symptoms mean I am dying. I discussed makeup with a coworker both to try to seem capable of normal conversation and because I may need something to cover the redness and peeling. 

Today I am anxious over my ex-supervisor's email. I am worried that this rash and I think I have a beer gut means my liver is failing. I honestly considered going to the ER yesterday, but I don't think they can do anything. The liver heals itself, so the solution is not drinking. It is ridiculous to be 30 and have a failing liver, but I fear that it is happening. I am less concerned about dying than work. I am worried about how my ex-supervisor will act. I am worried my appearance makes them think I am an addict. I am worried I will faint and end up in hospital. I am really worried about every little spot on my skin that might mean liver failure, but I don't know if this is enough to stop drinking. Part of me hopes this means I am dying, and it's absurd that I care more about experience than my life. I care more about work than my life. I just hate how ugly I feel and self conscious.