Psychiatrist

Apparently, I don't give him enough credit. I truly expected him to be an ass about me not taking my meds. He was actually pretty nice. It might be because for once I was pretty honest or possibly because I am clearly unwell. I told him things were bad. I mentioned not functioning well. I mentioned the stomach stuff and the ER visit. He asked a lot of questions like when it all started and about my anxiety and depression and drinking. He asked if I was feeling suicidal, and I actually said yes. His main recommendation was rehab. He asked how he could help. I explained about not knowing if medication would help and what to take since it's been a while since I stopped. He explained that he mostly thinks I'm bipolar. Honestly, my various doctors have gone back and forth with diagnoses over the years. Some say major depressive disorder and some say bipolar 2. He's also mentioned depression with mixed episodes (basically hypomania but not enough to be bipolar). I don't know who is right. When you give me enough caffeine, I definitely become manic. He mostly believes it's bipolar because of my constant anxiety. He put me back on Zoloft and gave me samples of seroquel xr. I was on the extended release once but basically couldn't afford it (there's no generic so it was like $60 a month). I said I was willing to try it now since I have a better job and am less concerned with cost. He gave me enough for a month anyway. He also gave me trazodone in case I have trouble sleeping since I am very dependent on the normal seroquel for sleep and the extended release won't be the same. I am considering inpatient. I am just not ready to make that decision. I would like to feel more motivated. I would like work to hire more people so me not being there would have less impact. Right now I would really be inconveniencing them being gone, but if either sample volume goes down or we get more analysts, they could handle it. So I am thinking and hoping that the medication helps at least some.