Sick?

So today has been miserable. I don't know what is going on. It could be the gastritis. It could be a stomach bug or maybe something I ate. I have been vomiting non stop since morning. My throat hurts so badly. At first I hoped it would pass. I made the mistake of drinking about half a bottle of vodka and had a pedialyte pop. I then vomited all over my bed and had to change the sheets. I learned my lesson and didn't try to drink more than a couple sips after that, but eventually it all comes up anyway. I cancelled therapy and seeing my parents once I realized this wasn't going away. I pretty much have only gotten out of bed to throw up, see if any pedialyte pops are frozen, and admittedly take a shot of vodka. I don't keep it down but I figure enough is absorbed to keep withdrawal away. I considered going to urgent care but didn't think it would help. I decided that it wasn't bad enough to go to the hospital, but if it isn't better tomorrow I will. If nothing else some iv zofran would be nice because I just desperately want to drink a big glass of water. I texted my supervisor to not call for the department meeting because I am sick but also so they won't be surprised if I can't be there tomorrow.

I feel bad that I got a text from my ex sponsor at some point in the morning asking how I was doing. I had just changed the sheets and was feeling awful. I responded that I didn't know and have given up on everything. I realize I probably shouldn't have said that. It was vague and very negative but not a lie. She hasn't responded. I probably will say more when I am feeling better. For now I am hoping to sleep and honestly either wake up better or get to take a day off and go to the ER, which is pretty fucked up thinking. I think I am trying to be realistic and know that even if I stop vomiting, I haven't even kept water down and I was already dehydrated. I am not going to be well tomorrow. It's just a question of if I can fix it myself and go to work or if it's worth seeing a doctor.