I decided yesterday that I should tell someone about what's going on. It helps with accountability and maybe helps with me getting help. I texted my friend B and didn't hear back. At first, I wanted to use this as an excuse not to tell anyone, but I realized that makes little sense. So tonight I texted my ex sponsor. I basically said I am desperate and seeking help. She replied that she thinks of me and prays for me and misses me. She asked about seeing me at a meeting, and I said I would try. I told her I wasn't well and would update her when I heard from work. I said I miss her and everyone. I really do. I just wanted to hear that someone cares, so I know if I do this I won't be alone. I know people will be waiting. So hopefully soon things will get better. Soon I will be human again.
You obviously don't have to answer this, but what happened with your ex sponsor? Could she help you again? I hope you can make it to a meeting. Things sound so very difficult for you right now.
ReplyDeleteEarlier this year she decided she couldn't sponsor me. I got really depressed after that because it was like she gave up on me. I was a little over a year sober when she did it. She then had a mini intervention on me like 3 days later because I was planning to kill myself. Since then it's just hard to talk to her and not think about what happened. So she might be able to health but I worry that we have kinda screwed up boundaries and could end up getting hurt again or somehow hurting her. But we are still friends and I think once I get sober I will probably at least talk to her. I really don't talk to anyone at AA (or anywhere) at the moment
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