Aftermath of a relapse

So I drank last night. Not an unusual amount. 15 shots has kind of been my average for a while, and that's what I had last night. Apparently that amounts to almost a whole fifth (750ml bottle) of vodka.

But I guess I blacked out. I swear I remember getting in bed and watching something on my tablet.

I woke up at 4pm today. I honestly slept from around 2am till 4pm. I woke up thinking it was still morning and I could go back to bed. I looked at my watch and thought maybe it was broken, but I checked my phone and it was 4. I noticed a bunch of stuff around my desk that must mean my trash can was knocked over. The show pulled up on Netflix is not one I remember watching. Plus, I have bruises on both knees and my wrist.

So I showered and dressed, and a little before 5 I went to get something to eat. After I ate, I got the courage to call my sponsor. She was understanding. We joked about some stuff. I promised I was going to 2 meetings (6pm and 8pm) and not leaving the building between.

She told me that I should get a desire chip (unless I planned to keep drinking) and that I had to tell someone at the meeting. I agreed to both, though I wasn't sure about the 2nd one.

The meeting was about prayer and meditation. I didn't talk, but it was helpful. I got a desire chip at the end. This made telling people simple because 2 women came up to me and talked to me. One asked if it was my 1st meeting and I explained it wasn't but I had relapsed. I said my sponsor told me to get it, and they were happy I had a sponsor. We talked about reading the Big Book, which I haven't done since rehab.

Between meetings I sat around and looked at stuff on my phone. I had intended to sit on a bench against the wall instead of at the table, but a guy came in and asked how I was doing. I ended up sitting by him. I told him about the relapse and he said it's no big deal and no one would judge me. We talked about other stuff like school. He's also very cute. Mostly, he's very sweet.

So I'm not drinking tonight. I am still unsure about if I really want to quit drinking, but I'm trying not to think about it tonight