When is fear enough?

This morning was kind of scary. Actually, being in the apartment is still a little scary.

So the past couple nights I have woken up with the brilliant idea to walk to the kitchen for a drink of water. I keep some water by my bed, but it's not filtered or cold.

This would be a relatively simple task for a normal person.. there are a few obstacles because I have some stuff on the floor and some furniture too close together.
But if I wake up in the middle of the night, I am usually still quite drunk. Especially if you consider that I drink right up until the time I go to bed, so I'm actually processing alcohol and getting drunker as I sleep.

So when I do this, I have fallen down. My memory is not really clear enough to remember what made me fall each time. I just remember hitting the floor.

Well, I'm sure I fell last night because I woke up with this

On the right side of my stomach/hip. It's not really clear here, but they're big scratches and the rest kind of looks like rug burn.. but I really have no idea what happened. I just know this was not there last night. Also, it hurts

This alone was not incredibly scary. It's the other stuff that was wrong in the apartment

My computer was weird. The monitor was tilted weird. The speaker was knocked off the desk.
Stuff was knocked off the edge of the bathtub
There were jeans on the floor of the bathroom I don't remember moving

That's most of what I noticed this morning
Just now I went to get vodka from the freezer (threw up after the 1st shot.. lovely)
Apparently I made ice? I don't remember that. I even made 2 trays and stacked them correctly
I ate a waffle? or put it somewhere else. It was one left from a box that I threw away to make more room

Don't get me wrong, I've blacked out before. Mostly just not remember how I got to bed or if I showered.. stuff like that. I used to (still do sometimes) check my phone and my sent emails to make sure I didn't do anything. Once I had a text conversation with a friend at 6pm that I did not remember having.

It's been a while. Usually I just wake up not remembering going to bed.. Once I remember falling down (vaguely) and I woke up with a bump on my head. I don't really remember how I fell. Same with last night. I remember falling, but I do not remember anything that would scratch up my stomach.

I need to stop drinking. I am drinking scary amounts. Amounts I have only admitted here. My recent record is 19 shots. I don't think my liver will survive much longer.

And I shake. Not just hands. I walked into a friend's house earlier, and he asked if I needed him to get me food or anything because I was shaking. The other day even my voice was weird and shaky.

I just don't know what to do. I almost do want to check into a hospital, but I HATE psych wards. I hate strangers. I hate pointless group therapy.. like once a group the therapist had us saying what kind of things we like to bake. Seriously? I'm paying for that? I think I'll just stay with friends. That way if I do have a seizure or hallucinate or whatever withdrawal shit, someone will be there to call an ambulance. I have detox meds. I probably should actually tell my psychiatrist rather than taking something prescribed by someone else. I don't know... but I am getting scared.