My sponsor

I met with my sponsor a little bit last week. It was mostly because I was really struggling.

Today was our first official meeting. She had given the assignment of making a list of 10 things alcohol has affected my life and situations it caused. I wrote 5 last night and got tired. I brought that and we kept adding and ended up with 16. It actually wasn't too bad. Some of it was things I never talked about.

We read through step 1 in the 12 and 12. I'm supposed to read step 2 this week.

After that I left to have lunch with a friend and then came back for the women's meeting. They were really proud I was talking and that I had talked in another meeting without being called on. I admitted I had the relapse but that I had days of sobriety for the first time in a long time. I'm embarrassed people were proud and paying attention to me, but it was nice.

After that, I sat around and watched people play dominoes for a while until me and 2 others decided to go to lunch. I almost didn't go. I have absolutely no money. My checking account is -52$. I need to talk to my parents tomorrow. I really haven't been frivolous with spending, but I had a credit card payment and a membership to a job site paid this week.

Anyway, one of them said she'd buy my food. We went somewhere cheap. We ate and went shopping. I didn't buy anything, but one of them just moved into a new apartment and was stocking up on cat supplies.

We went back to the AA building and played Jenga. It was a pretty impressive game

Much better than dominoes in my opinion.

There was a meeting at 8, but I left. I was depressed and really wanting to go to the liquor store.

I called my sponsor when I got to my car. She said I should go to the meeting, but I said I was tired. She asked if I prayed and then if I'd pray with her.

The plan was
I would call as soon as I got home.
She would call 10 minutes later
So it would be too late to get liquor

It ended up mostly texting, but I think she was also texting me to make sure I really was home. She asked me to find my big book and 12&12.
I texted her when I found them.
She asked me to find the 3rd step prayer, so I found the page number.
She asked me the first 4 words on a page which ended up being "try with a will" (and she hinted not mine).

When I went to anorexics and bulimics anonymous, my sponsor was awful. She would take forever to return calls. She'd call while shopping with her kids. She asked my advice about one of her kid's mental health.

This one seems committed and pretty smart

Since I mentioned it. The 3rd step prayer (which I actually had memorized a while ago)

God, I offer myself to thee
To build with me and to do with me what thou will.
Relieve me of the bondage of self. That I may better do thy will
Take away my difficulties. That victory over them
may bear witness to those I would help
Of thy power, thy love, and thy way of life
May I do thy will always
Amen

I love the line "relieve me of the bondage of self" because so much of my pain and my fear comes from my own brain. I need to be open to God's will and to other people I can help or be helped by. That doesn't work if I'm entirely self centered.

Gotta work on this prayer thing.