A day off

So when they changed the schedule at work, my days off changed. I now have Monday off, and I am not sure it's a good thing. Before, I had Thursday off and I usually went to see my parents. Saturday mainly centered around AA and possibly hanging out with AA people. Mondays I don't have any plans, so it's just free time.

I ended up getting out of bed around 2pm, and I accomplished a few things. They are not that impressive unless you have serious social anxiety. I went to get my hair cut, which always involves awkward small talk. Then I went to Chik-fil-a and got fries and a coke zero. I have been too anxious to do this because I felt like they would judge me for being fat and ordering fries. I also went to Walmart, which was mostly because I was trying to stay busy, so I wouldn't start drinking early in the day.

I have been anxious since Friday about my supervisor saying he talked to the boss about me. I really want to ask what he said, but I didn't think it was appropriate to ask via text message and certainly was not going to call him. I have been rehearsing the conversation in my head over and over. I know I need to tell him what's going on, but I don't know exactly how much to say. I was planning on telling him that I would tell the boss if he thought I should (which he probably will) because I would rather she hear it from me. I have been debating what to say if anyone asks how much I am drinking. I don't know if it would be worse to tell the truth or tell them I would rather not say. I don't want to lie because I don't want them to think I am a dishonest person because at least at work I am not. The only lies I tell are if anyone says "how are you?" or a few times when my supervisor asked if I was upset with him.

Anyway, I am ready for it to be tomorrow, so I can get this over with. I briefly considered telling my supervisor and the boss at one time, but I don't think I could handle that. Plus, people would probably wonder why I needed to talk to both of them and gossip. At least if I do it separately, it's less noticeable. I am not planning on telling my other coworkers anything. I am a little worried that my supervisor will be more anxious if I tell him the truth, but he's already obviously worried.. so it probably doesn't matter.

I should probably just focus on today and myself. I have no control over other people.