And that happened *TW*

So today was not much better than yesterday (see last post). Warning that this talks about self harm.
Around 2 this morning I had the brilliant drunken idea to cut myself. I honestly am only doing it once a week, which is much better than some periods in the past. Well of course I cut deeper than intended.. enough I was fairly certain I needed stitches. Well, this is after I had been drinking for a couple hours, so I was definitely not able to drive to the hospital. I also didn't want to wake any friends up to take me, and it seemed ridiculous to call an ambulance for a still fairly small cut. I managed eventually to get it mostly closed and bandaged and went to bed.

This morning I went to the liquor store and then the pharmacy to buy more bandages and those butterfly closure things. I get to work and it's opened up again. I try repeatedly to get it to stay closed. I finally go outside and call this urgent care place. I basically ask if it's been too many hours since it happened to get it stitched. They said they would have to look but there's not really a limit.

So I pull my supervisor aside. He had actually asked earlier if I was OK, and I kinda shrugged. Now (while mostly staring at the floor) tell him I need to get stitches and it would probably be too late after work. He said of course to get it taken care of and no need to discuss where the cut came from. I got someone to take my work and awkwardly left. One of my coworkers said something and I said it was just a doctor thing.

I went to an urgent care place not a hospital because 1. I figured it would be faster 2. No risk of a psychiatrist wanting to put me in a psych ward. This is how it went
Idiotic tech asks me where the cut came from and where it was. I say I did it and upper arm . She says "how did you get a knife up there?" And then "were you trying to dig something out?" And then thankfully leaves. I mean WTF? She comes back with nice doctor. At this point I was in just a tank top and she starts asking questions and starts looking at other scars. I do my best to sound like I'm not that depressed and see a doctor who knows I cut. I think I lost when she asked if there were any on my wrists and turned it over and saw those scars. She asks if I wanted to be transferred somewhere they could do a psychiatric consultation. I say no. She gives me 4 stitches and a prescription for antibiotics. A nurse puts on a dressing and I sit around waiting for forms. She comes back and says they want me to sign a form that I am discharging against medical advice since I won't let them transfer me to some kind of psych facility. I sign it because obviously that's not happening, and I go back to work. I was only gone about 2 hours. Nobody comments on the bright orange bandage around my arm, which I quickly decided I was not willing to wear at work and switch out for one of the ones in my purse (it's stocked with several varieties of bandaids actually). My supervisor doesn't say anything and I worked the rest of the shift.
I just did not expect that kind of doctor to make a huge deal of this and am glad again I didn't go to a hospital with psychiatrists around. The nurse when she gave me the AMA form was going on about how they don't want me to die and looked worried. It was not even a very big cut. Oh well.. I needed it done. Hopefully they won't react that way when I go back to get them taken out.