Sick

Today has not been my best day. I woke up not feeling quite right or fully sober. I hoped it would pass before going to work. I couldn't decide about breakfast and settled on a sugar free pudding. I think that was the first mistake. For lunch I packed cheerios and candy. That was the second mistake.

I got to work and found out they made schedule changes. I heard first from a coworker and then later the manager pulled me aside. In the new schedule, I work Saturday. I might have cried a little. I finally asked to come in later so I can still go to the women's meeting. I didn't tell her that. I said I had something and that it's pretty much the only social thing I do, which is true. She agreed. She looked really concerned, but I was crying so it's pretty logical to be concerned.

After I started working, I started to feel nauseous. This used to happen a lot if I didn't eat when I woke up. I think it's hypoglycemia caused by the drinking. I tried eating cheerios and sipping water. I eventually decided to take Nauzene, which is an anti nausea medicine. Being a good alcoholic, I keep some in my lunch box. The thing is that there are 2 things that can happen when I take it. It could work or I can immediately vomit because of the taste. It has a really strong cherry flavor, which really isn't good when you're nauseous. Well, I took it (while standing in the bathroom to be safe). I felt better for a bit and then tried to eat a cookie. Then I felt nauseous again. This time I took the nauzene and immediately vomited. I was in the bathroom, thankfully, but it still splashed all over my pants and shoes. I mostly threw up water because I hadn't eaten much.

If it hadn't gotten on my clothes, I might have stayed because I felt better after, but I wasn't going to work covered (well not covered) in vomit. I asked my supervisor if I could leave and said I'd thrown up. He said yes. I cleaned up my desk and asked someone to finish my work because I wasn't feeling well and was going home. Then my supervisor pulled me into another room and said I could text him anytime if I needed something. He said he was worried. I said that the manager had talked to me. He said he had talked about it with the boss because he couldn't see things and say nothing and that they're all concerned. I am not particularly happy he talked to her, but I can't blame him. I didn't tell him any of what's going on other than that I am not doing very well. I feel like if I told him he might think that this was a hangover and that would be bad. I said I didn't eat enough today (which is really probably what happened) and apologized. He said it wasn't my fault. After that, I just grabbed my stuff and left before anyone could say anything or notice the vomit scrubs.

I am currently laying in bed with the cats because I can't face eating yet.. and honestly don't feel like dealing with life in general. I feel really guilty about leaving work and about how I am worrying everyone apparently. I don't know what to do about it. Thankfully I still have tomorrow off because the new schedule starts Monday. That gives me time to get the stitches removed, and it gives me time before I have to face anyone at work. I think I may tell my supervisor more of what's going on. I just couldn't today. Part of me worries that if the boss knows too, that there's going to end up being some kind of intervention, but that probably won't happen. I don't think I could handle talking about any of this if more than one of them was there. Nightmare. At least for the rest of the day, I only have to deal with cats. So much simpler than human beings.

*edit*  Well I have managed to eat 2 Popsicles, an apple sauce pouch, and a plate of leftover pasta. Honestly, the pasta kinda grossed me out, but I ate it because I need to buy groceries and this was the only thing I really have that would qualify as a meal. Now I'm in bed again debating if alcohol will make me puke. Not drinking is not really an option given how shaky I already am. Fuck my life

*editing again* Seriously fuck everything. Drank 2 shots mixed with powerade zero. Then finally tried taking a shot, then promptly walked to the bathroom and threw up everything until I was just dry heaving. Now I'm trying to finish a protein shake since if I go to bed with an empty stomach, this will probably happen again tomorrow. Then I am taking my last Ativan and my meds and going to bed because today needs to be over